#life. so now i am dealing with the reality of finally living and wishing it happened sooner and knowing i am reliant on medication.

[oh-my-wizard-god]

/

[l44serbeam]

— PASS TIME ࣪𖤐 𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

warnings — swearing, insecurity, anxiety, blood, guns, smut, heavy make out, fingering (r!recieving), nipple play, softdom!ellie, hair pulling, hickeys, degradation (y/n calls ellie pathetic in a joking way)

Stuck in a abandoned pharmacy closet during a storm while on a patrol, Ellie seems to have some interesting ideas on what to do while you wait it out. these ideas lead you to believe that maybe she doesn’t hate you as much as you thought she did.

not proofread

There was one thing y/n had in agreement with Ellie Williams and that was that the two of them did not get along.

Whether it was being paired together on patrol and disagreeing on working methods or bickering over meals, the two just couldn’t seem to live in harmony.

It wasn’t because they were polar opposites or anything. On the contrary, the two were quite alike. Both carried an aura of intimidation and were known to be very good fighters. In reality, they had no real reason to have this dispute.

So when Maria partnered the two up for a two day long run to an abandoned town many miles out, not even an hour went by before they were both banging at her door.

“Its for the best. You two are my strongest forces and it’s a far place…” Maria began, looking away from them as she folded the blankets on her couch. “We’re running low on medical supplies and i don’t have enough people to spare to send a whole team. Plus, it’ll do you guys good to be out there with one another. Get to know each other maybe. End what ever stupid rivalry y’all seem to have going on.”

The two groaned and protested but Maria made it clear her pairing was final, no questions to be asked about it anymore.

“This isn’t some simple patrol y/n. No fucking around. Follow my lead, we don’t separate, and we don’t detour.” Ellie instructs sharply as the two rode down the forest, freshly leaving Jackson and preparing for the mission ahead.

“You talk to me like im not the one who was literally raised out here. If anything you should be following my lead.” y/n responded.

Ellie rolled her eyes and scoffed. “That doesn’t make you better. Just means more people were around to save your ass.”

“Then why am I here?”

“To make my life miserable apparently.”

Y/n sighed as her tongue poked the inside of her cheek. She seemed to almost be trying to contain herself, a desperate look of wanted to punch the girl on the horse next to her lingered on her face.

“Literally the only reason im on this run with you Ellie is because i am just as capable as you. So please, shut the fuck up and leave me be.” She retorted sourly, looking the opposite way from Ellie and into the trees. She didn’t want to deal with this now. The hollow, harmful words that they threw at each other.

Ellie turned her head the slightest, catching a glimpse pf her, almost slightly stunned at her response.

The two always argued, that was known, but it was never like that. The harshness and seriousness of her last words surprised Ellie, not being the usual sassy clap back she gave that Ellie could actually respond to. This time, y/n looked distant and out of it but Ellie decided to respect her wishes, looking back ahead and letting silence remain between the two.

The people that surrounded them always tried to recall why the two fueded, but no one ever could. It seemed like from the very first time they interacted, they just didn’t like each other. But, their “first” interaction according to those people wasnt truly their first interaction.

Y/n was brought into Jackson three years ago, scared and alone. Covered in blood and looking with eyes that seemed to shoot daggers at everyone. A team of people had come across her, running from three runners in a torn down office building. Once settled, she had been given a house next to Joels, being one of the smaller ones considering she was just one person.

For the first few days, y/n didn’t leave her house, taking advantage of the fact she hadn’t been assigned with a job yet and avoiding interaction with the public. The majority of the town still hadn’t even seen her since she first came in, rumors beginning to spread about who she was. Some said she had a face covered in scared skin, others said she was tiny and frail but her hands were stained a deep red with blood.

Ellie being the way she was, desperately wanted to know who she really was. She wanted to see this girl and figure out whether the monstrosities people whispered about her.

Y/n was awoken one morning by three heavy knocks on her door. She seriously considered ignoring them, groaning into her pillow as she stood up.

Could be important. She told herself. When she swung the door open, the girl that stood before her was unfamiliar. Unlike most people, she looked closer to her own age, being 17 at the time. The wide smile on her face faltered and her eyes widened when her eyes met with y/ns. Her hands flew up to the hairs sticking out of her bun and tried to smooth them back as much as possible.

“Um… Hello?” Y/n quipped, breaking the girl from whatever trance she was stuck in, her cheeks reddening and eyes rushing the the ground.

“Oh- Uh- Hi! Im Ellie. Your neighbor.” She began, pointing at her own home in the distance. Y/n nodded and gave her an acknowledging smirk.

“Im y/n,” She introduced, leaning against the door with her hand still on the handle. “Is there anything i can help you with?” She asked when Ellie returned to silence again.

“N-No not eaxctly. In all honesty i came by out of curiosity. Wanted to see if you were really like some murderous crazy person.” She laughed slightly, a strange pitting feeling in her stomach.

Y/ns eyebrows knitted together and her demeanor changed as she shifted on her legs.

“Why? Because im from the outside? So seems like since Im not from some fuck ass FEDRA base or some community im automatically a wild animal that kills people for fun?” She begins, clearly offended by Ellies comment.

Ellies eyes opened worriedly. “No no no. I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that thats what people have been sort of saying about you since no ones really seen you. Kinda cant blame them-”

“For titling me as some savage just because I was born outside their little bubble?”

“Im just saying you haven’t really given them much to work on. And its not like your the sweetest either.” She said, mumbling the last bit.

Y/n scoffed, stepping back into the house but leaving the door open, her hand still on the door knob. “You come to my house, call me a murderous crazy person, then try to justify it?”

“I wasn’t calling you that. I- I just meant i get why youve stayed home but you really havent gone out and last time people saw you was when you first came in and-“ Ellie hissed and raised her eyebrows, suggesting severity, “that wasn’t exactly the kindest sight.” She finished rambling, realizing it didn’t help in the slightest when her eyes fell on y/n.

“Ok you know what, fuck you.” y/n said, slamming the door shut and leaving Ellie wide eyed and red.

How could i have fucked that up so badly. Ellie asked herself frozen in guilt and embarrassment.

After that, Ellie couldn’t bare being around her and not feeling that turmoiling feeling in her gut. She automatically counteracted it with harsh comments and rudeness. Even when a few days later, y/n attempted to apologize, Ellie dismissing her with a rude comment and sparking another fight that solidified their dislike.

But after a year or two and one drunken evening where their bickering turned into borderline foreplay, the dynamic changed. The majority of times, their stabs at each other seemed to be laced with an igniting feeling and fiery looks at each other. People close to them had seemed to start noticing this shift, whether it was the devilish smirks on Ellies face or the way y/n seemed to gravitate closer and closer to her.

So now, when y/n had barely even looked Ellie in the eye and dryly responded to every comment thrown at her by the girl as the walked down the foreign towns roads, the map in Ellies hand and a knife in y/ns, Ellie couldnt help but feel a growing sense of concern.

Did someone do something to her? She wondered, anger stacking up at this imaginary person just at the thought of it

“The pharmacy should be up ahead. Joel gave me a side note to check back room closest and storage rooms. Most should be locked so they’ll probably have shit inside.” Ellie began, scanning her surroundings.

“If the rooms are locked how are we getting in?” Y/n asked.

“Lucky for us, i have a lock pick and 6 hours worth of learning from Tommy.” She says with a smirk. Y/n simply nods and keeps walking with precaution.

“Whats up with you?” Ellie finally voices, her tome coming out harsher than she’d meant it to.

“Nothing. I thought we weren’t fucking around so thats what im doing. Not fucking around.” She shot back. Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes.

“God you’re dramatic.” She mumbled under her breath.

Y/n scoffed a sarcastic laugh, suggesting her comment to be absurd, but she didn’t respond.

Suddenly, thunder boomed from the gray clouds above, the scent of rain invading their senses with the gust of wind that hit them.

“Shit.” Ellie hissed beneath her breath. “We should get to the pharmacy soon. Seems like it gonna be a bad one.” She finished, referencing to the harsh wind that rocked the trees and over grown vines around them, the sky darkening above them.

“We should pick up the pace.” Y/n suggested as she began jogging and Ellie trailed behind her.

As the two felt patters of rain fall on their shoulders, the jog became a run as the wind picked up.

“There!” Ellie yelled, pointing ahead of them to their left. As the two approached, they saw the busted out windows, the glass covering the ground around it.

They jumped through the glassless windows and unto the store. The two breathed heavily when they reached somewhat safety.

The pharmacy looked completely ran through, shelves thrown all over the ground and trash everywhere.

“He was right! Come back here Ellie.” Y/n yelled against the sound of the wind whistling. By this point, the weather had reached full storm level and the strength of the wind tunneled throughout the exposed pharmacy.

With the aggressive push of the wind on Ellies back, she ran to y/n.

“Fuck i don’t know how well i can do this while a fucking tornado is going on.” She yelled at y/n as she crouched before the door knob.

“Ill block you.” Y/n said as she stood behind Ellie, bringing her arms to lean on the door on each side of Ellie above her, y/n head near Ellies neck and the gusts of wind pushing y/ns front into Ellies back. How the fuck is this supposed to help me focus.

Ellie inserted the lock pick into the slot and began twisting and turning it, different clicks falling into place and the knob rattling.

Y/n couldn’t lie, but her apathetic mood almost slipped with Ellies proximity. As Ellies arms moved to undo the lock, her back muscles flexed against y/ns chest, the wind blowing her into Ellies neck, the scent of pinewood soap and the metallic sent of blood from the infected they’d taken down earlier.

“I got it!” Ellie beamed, shooting up to pull the door. The resistance of the wind made it particularly difficult to open, y/n grabbing onto the door through the little crack Ellie opened and helped her.

When it opened just enough, the two rushed in as Ellie gripped the door, letting it slam closed when they were in. The room was pitch black, the two utterly unaware of their surroundings.

Ellie fiddled with the knob and tried to open the door, her theory being proved when the door didn’t budge at her push.

“Guess were camping in here tonight.” She said as y/n clicked on the flash light. The two looked around and saw quite a few things they could bring back. Bulk packages of ibuprofen and other medications.

“Fuck yeah.” Ellie said, inspecting the items and making sure they weren’t broken open or contaminated.

y/n set down her bag and removed her sleeping bag from it, laying it on the ground.

“Think the horses will be ok?” Ellie asked, attempting to start conversation.

“Yeah they should be. I tied down the garage door pretty well.” She responded, grabbing amo and supplies out of the bag to clean and reload her gun.

Ellie sat down on the ground in the small spot that wasn’t covered by y/ns sleeping bag, her lip in between her teeth and eyes nervous, like she was resisting saying something.

Y/ns eyes flickered up from the gun to Ellies face. “What?” She asked.

“Why are you acting weird?” Ellie finally asked. “You’ve been super fucking offputish and like not talking.”

Y/n sighed and shook her head in almost disbelief. “I haven’t been acting weird Ellie. Were on a mission and im focusing on it like you said.” She repeated, making Ellie bite her cheek at the rising feeling of guilt . “And why do you even fucking care. You dont want me to be here and i dont want to be here. We dont have to pretend.”

“What do you mean i dont want you to be here?” Ellie asked accusatively.

“You’ve made it pretty obvious Ellie! Like for the past three years maybe!” Y/n said, putting down the gun and investing herself into the interaction.

“Why would you say that? I never said i dont want you here. Never.” Ellie retorted, putting a punctuating finger in the air.

“You practically do every day! You pick apart everything i do and make sure to insult me on it. I mean Jesus i cant breath around you without you telling me im doing something wrong!” Y/n began yelling, rising to her feet and towering above Ellie, her eyes going up all of y/ns body as they fell on her face.

Fuck. y/n thought. Her eyes. Her big, round, bright eyes looked up at her, her eyebrows knitted together and tongue cupping her teeth.

“You say that like you don’t do the same thing y/n! Dont act like im just some bully, this situation goes both ways!” She said, also coming up to her feet to match y/n.

“I do it because im not gonna let you just insult me and act like nothing happened! Im not going to let that slide Ellie so of course i argue back but thats because you start it!” Y/n said, punctuating her ‘you’ by aggressively poking Ellies chest, her wrist immediately being caught by the girls strong hand.

They’re eyes met one another, anger coating them. But, beneath, there was something else. Something almost animalistic.

“Stop fucking yelling at me.” Ellie said, her words bitter but tone almost pleading.

The closeness between the two finally seemed to settle in their minds. Y/n’s wrist still in Ellies hand, their fronts pressed together. Y/n could feel Ellies warm breath against her skin, igniting goosebumps all along her spine.

There was no way Ellie didn’t feel it too, she thought. There was no way that Ellie would let herself be in this position if she wasn’t feeling the same carnal compulsion as her. She wouldn’t be looking at her with the eyes she was.

“Make me.” y/n said, her actions turning to become beyond her own control.

A devilish smirk painted Ellies lips for mere seconds before she slammed herself into y/ns lips, the force so strong y/n back hit the wall behind her.

Their bodies flowed together violently, pushing each others hips back and forth against one another. The kiss was fueled with regressed anger and burning passion, tongues not waiting a second to collide.

Y/ns hands found themselves to grab onto the girls hair, nails scratching at her scalp as she hissed into y/ns mouth.

“You’re a bitch, you know that?” Ellie groaned into her mouth.

“You’re telling me?” Y/n responded, Ellies taking advantage and letting her lips trail down y/ns neck, latching onto her pulse point the second she felt ut and biting down, a breath of air harshly leaving y/ns lips as she felt Ellies thigh press against the place she wanted her most.

The lack of friction from layers of clothing made y/n whine as she tried to find some kind of it, grinding against Ellies leg as she made an attack on y/ns neck, leaving red marks in her trail that were sure to become purple within a few hours.

“Desperate aren’t ya?” Ellie litted.

“Fuck you.”

Ellie laughed, her teeth pressed cold against y/ns jaw. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to do?”

y/n rolled her eyes and pulled Ellies head back into a heated kiss, one Ellie cheekily smiled into. Her warm hands found themselves under y/ns shirt going up, dragging up y/ns shirt with it.

“This ok?” Ellie asked, y/ns frantic nods being her signal to fully separate and remove the shirt over y/ns head.

She looked down at y/n in awe, her tongue peaking out from between her lips and her cheeks reddening. “Fuck. i’ve been wanting this for so long.”

“Oh really?” Y/n responded as she brought her arma up to rest of Ellies shoulder, her own hands on y/ns hips, holding the two of their pelvises pressed together.

“Yeah, really. From the time you opened your door front door and yelled at me.” Y/n laughed at that.

“God you’re so pathetic.” She laughed as Ellies arms wrapped around her upper body and unclipped y/ns bra, slowly pulling the straps down her arms.

“Watch yourself. Just cause im gonna fuck you does it mean im gonna be nice.” Ellie said into her ear, shots of electricity flying down y/ns back.

Before y/n could say anything in return, her head flew back against the wall as she felt Ellies lips wrap around her nipple and her hands knead the other. Her tongue worked against it and she rolled her thigh up and down, an extended groan leaving y/ns lips.

She switched positions, paying attention to the other nipple and reciprocating her same movements,

Y/ns hand knotted itself in Ellies auburn hair as her lips seared her chest.

Ellies lips kissed up her breast, her neck and her jaw and fell into y/ns mouth, her hand crawling down and being met with the barrier of y/ns jeans.

“Can i get these off of you baby?” She asked into y/n’s mouth, her words rushed and desperate.

Y/ns hands came to the button of her pants and undid them, lowering them slightly and undoing the zipper. Ellies didn’t wait a second before dipping into the pants, the pads of her fingers pressing into y/n’s aching clit.

Y/n let out a lengthy moan as Ellie drew tight circles, her slick pooling in her panties. She mewled desperately, her hips grinding against Ellies hand.

“Shit- Please Ellie. More.” Y/n groaned, her head falling into the crook between Ellies shoulder and neck.

Ellie smiled smugly, pressing kisses into her exposed shoulders as she pushed aside y/ns underwear. “Whatever you want, pretty.” Ellie said, her middle finger running through her wetness, separating her folds and making a mess of her.

Ellie cursed under her breath at the feeling of y/n clenching around nothing, practically begging for her fingers.

Appeasing her wishes, Ellie sunk two fingers into her slowly, hooking her fingers to bottom out into the sweet spot that caused y/n to moan out into Ellies neck.

Gently, Ellie pulled put her fingers and pushed them back in, her palm hitting y/ns clit in the movement. She Ellie repeated her movements over and over, her free hand coming down from y/n’s waist and to the back of one of her thighs, lifting it from the ground and up to Ellies waist, giving her better access to hit y/n as deep as possible.

Y/n’s moans and pants made the hairs on Ellies neck stand. She couldn’t believe this. She thought shed utterly blown her chances from the second y/n first raised her voice at her, standing on her porch. Now, she was knuckle deep in her and cradling her body against the wall.

“Fuck Ellie don’t stop. Im close-” Y/n groaned.

Impossibly, Ellies fingers started to slam into her faster, the vibrations shooting straight to y/n’s clit and the tips of her finger repeatedly plunged against the spot that made y/n moan out in pleasure. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

Y/n legs began to shake, Ellie keeping her pressed against the wall and holding her up with her leg and hand. Ellie could feel y/n’s insides spasming around her fingers, her orgasm close and brimming.

“C’mon baby. I know you’re there.” She mumbled into her ear.

Y/n’s eyes squeezed tightly and her mouth flew open silently, her hand flying to Ellies wrist as a way of stabilization as her orgasm flushed over her like a tsunami. Wetness rolled down Ellies fingers, Y/n’s pants and underwear made a complete mess.

Once y/n’s breathing settled, Ellie removed her fingers from her and brought them to her own lips.

“Fuck. You taste good.” She whispered, kissing up her neck and into her lips.

She settles y/n’s leg down but still held onto her waist, her knees bucking the second she put weight on them, making them both laugh.

“I should change into the other pants.” y/n quipped, separating from the kiss.

“Yeah you should..” Ellie said almost dismissively as she pulled y/n down to lay on the sleeping bag, flipping over and placing herself on top.

“Whenever im done with you i mean.”

a/n: heyy babes! my bad i said i was gna post this last night but i got a little too high and fell asleep at like 5pm and forgot to post it 😭😭 also i got carried away with added backstory and setting so i hope you enjoy my beauts. Also wanted to giv a big thank u for the positive feed back on Tired of You!! part two is gna be out on sunday for any of you guys reading this that are waiting for that too!!

[soapssuds]

Infinity

Yandere ! Gojo Satoru x (male!) Female ! Reader

Part 16 | i am yours, but are you mine

Summary | And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

Infinity Masterlist

ZENIN Y/N wiped the sweat off his brow before he stretched, his lean muscles rippling a little as he leant down to pick up his training shirt.

The year was 1606. Edo period.

“Training hard again, young lord?”

“Piss off,” y/n said to one of the Zenin clan elders who seemed insistent on bothering him almost every afternoon when his training session begins.

“Young lord, if I can only have a moment of your time-“

Heaving a sigh, he stopped walking and looked over at the elder, his hands pulling his training shirt over his head, “hurry then. I don’t have all day.”

“The Gojo clan wishes to have a word with us. They are hoping that we will join together finally and stop fighting with one another.”

“Last time I checked it was you clan elders who keep bickering and fighting with the Gojo elders. I was just unfortunate enough to be made clan head and having to deal with your elderly tantrums.”

The elder went to speak but y/n stopped him, “when’s the meeting?”

“Tonight.”

Nodding his head, y/n went to leave before the elder spoke up again.

“While you’re there, you should use the ten shadows and try to kill the clan head, Gojo Shin.”

Y/n glanced back at the elder, “do it yourself. Besides, shouldn’t you all be more worried about Ryomen Sukuna instead of fighting amongst yourselves?”

The elder said nothing at that causing y/n to smirk as he took his leave.

GOJO SHIN, all the while, was looking through various  portraits that were drawn with absolute perfection of Zenin Y/n. There were big, pink hearts in his eyes as he would carefully save each one. He remembers when he first saw y/n. Gojo was 10 and Y/n was 20 both were attending a clan meeting between the Gojo and Zenin clans. The first time Y/n had looked his way was the moment Gojo regained his memories.

“The fuck you looking at you blue-eyed little freak,” was the first thing that y/n had said to him which caused Gojo’s heart to soar.

Granted, Gojo never thought y/n would reincarnate as a boy (or a man since y/n was already 20 years old) but he didn’t care. His one true love was back. However, it did suck how y/n was a zenin… but whatever. Since y/n was a male, had inherited the ten shadows technique, and is the next clan head, then Gojo was sure he has lived a lavish life unlike most of his other ones.

And, of course since he first saw y/n he immediately wanted to draw him and commit his face to memory which was why there were so many detailed portraits of the man.

“Lord Gojo?”

“Yes,” his attention turned towards the door where a young maid resided, “Lord Zenin and the Zenin elders have arrived.”

Right, the clan meeting, he thought to himself. He was ecstatic. Mainly because his one true love was going to be in the same house as him, looking at him, talking to him. Gojo slightly wondered if he would be able to get the man alone.

He shook his head at the thought and tried to focus, “escort them to the dining hall and make sure Zenin Y/n is sat next to me.”

“Of course, Lord Gojo.”

It’s now or never.

Walking into the dining hall he was immediately greeted with the Zenin elders and the Gojo elders arguing amongst themselves. Rolling his eyes he was about to silence them until someone beat him to it.

“Enough.”

That single word wasn’t said with any sort of loudness nor anger. It was instead said with both firmness and authority.

Y/n…

Gojo couldn’t deny that y/n’s voice sent blood straight to his cock. He could already feel himself getting hard as he made his way over to the Zenin Clan Head as the room hung into a scared, heavy silence.

“Gojo, you’re late.”

Gojo felt his heart jump when he saw how y/n looked at him. His lips set in a straight line, brows furrowed, and his eyes holding a storm behind them. Gojo wouldn’t mind getting fucked hard by the man he just sat down next to.

“Late? Me? Never?”

And the night went smoothly after that. Everyone at the table did get into petty squabbles here and there but Gojo and Y/n were always quick to quiet them down, and after dinner…

“Y/n.”

“Don’t say my name with such familiarity.”

“Fine, what I wanted to propose is that you and I should go speak somewhere more private.”

y/n rolled his eyes, “Are we going to talk about peace between the two clans finally?”

“Yeah… something like that…”

As y/n got up and so did Gojo, he had followed the young Gojo out of the dining hall, but before leaving the room completely, Y/n had turned back around and sent a glare to the group sending shivers down their spines, "no arguing while we're gone, understand?"

He didn't wait for a reply as he turned back towards Gojo and followed after him.

As the two entered a private room, y/n decided to speak up first once he closed the door behind him, "well, Gojo, what-," he wasn't able to finish his sentence Gojo grabbed the front of his shirt and slammed his lips right into his.

Ever since Gojo was sixteen, he had been been proposing a marriage between him and y/n, but the older man would always scoff and tell him he was too young. But not once did Gojo hear y/n say he wasn't into other men. So everytime that the two would randomly be it at clan meetings or jujutsu training, Gojo would continuously try to flirt with the man.

"I'm 20 years old, this should be fine, right?"

Y/n grunted, "damn brat, I'm 10 years older than you, surely you'll find a pretty lady your age and have a family with her."

Gojo shook his head as he tried to shrug off y/n's kimono, the older man's chest now being fully on display.

"No, it can't be anyone else but you. Only you."

"Why me though?"

"Because you're special. You're my whole world."

"But are you mine?"

Gojo looked to him, "what do you mean?"

"Do I love you, Gojo?"

Gojo's eyes darkened, "if you don't, then it'll be fine. There will always be another chance for love."

"You say that, but chances run out eventually."

Gojo wondered briefly if y/n remembered his past lives, but concluded that he didn't when Gojo looked into his eyes. He was just being poetic, trying to deter Gojo to seek a life with a woman who could give him children.

"Not with me. Not with you. There will always be tomorrow."

Y/n sighed and eventually relented. His head leaning down to gently capture Gojo's lips against his own, "fine, you win. I'm tired of fighting with you damn Gojo's."

Even with that small victory, however, Gojo's happiness was short lived when the elders between the two clans just couldn't stop fighting one another which eventually led into a conflict between both of the clan heads.

And so, the two fought each other for their clans. Their marriage never happening and their deaths soon following after.

GOJO SATORU wasn't fond of the memory. Not one bit. He remembered the fight well and even mentioned to Megumi how their ancestors fought one another at one time and killed each other (Gojo didn't mention that they were lovers, however. He didn't want to scare Megumi after all...).

"Deep in thought, Gojo?"

He snapped his attention to y/n. A smile was on her face as she placed a sweet snack onto his desk. His heart soared at the jester. She already knew he had a sweet tooth, how cute.

"Looks like you're the one staying later than me this time."

It had been a total of three days since the incident in the library. Gojo had been too busy trying to figure how to keep y/n's memories at bay that he didn't realize that he hadn't been talking to her.

"Yeah, just some tough missions was all."

Y/n sat at the edge of his desk, her plush thighs fattening a but as she sat down. The sight at him shifting in his chair.

"Remember what I told you, though?"

"I remember everything you say to me."

She rolled her eyes playfully, "yeah, but what about the apart about your missions. I offered to take them up for you if you ever get too tired."

Gojo shook his head, "nah, it's alright."

"Well, if you change your mind then I'm one phone call away."

"You say that even though I don't have your number."

"Then give me your number, silly," she said as she held out her hand to him. And he wasn't embarrassed at how fast he whipped his phone out to give to her.

"Annnnd there. My number."

Gojo didn't hesitate to send her a smiley fave with his name attached once she handed his phone back to him. A beep sounding from her phone a second later right after he send.

"Anyway, are you done for the night?"

"Yeah, I believe so."

She got up from her desk. Her eyes barely being able to look at him as she fiddled with her hands, "so... would you like to walk me home then? We did... promise that there would be a next time after all."

Gojo grinned, "and this time, I think I'll take up your offer for something to drink."

Infinity taglist | note, some say "no blogs found"

@whore-for-hawks @esthelily @huicitawrites @flaming-vulpix @zeniiis @rin1802 @mrowwww @kenstarsworld @bubera974 @littleplantofdeath @fangirl-332 @thaliadoesthings @hellsingalucard18 @tamaki-simp @obsessedwithfanfiction @babygivertyrant @carvelcakes @itzmeme @nervouschocolatecat @aspiring-bookworm @babyorphanstastegood @lilacskyly @ilovethegold @mythicalsongbird @asta80fishbowl @uminous @animelover6000

[anki-of-beleriand]

Bad Liar ch. 18

Summary: Life is about lessons, and Wanda has been learning some harsh facts that had define her life and taken her to a place in which she was given a second chance. Then, all of a sudden, she meets you, and she realizes why it's easier to lie to yourself than to accpet what's right in front of her.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/ Female!reader - America/Kate - Mentions of past Vision/Wanda - past Natasha/Reader - Some Female!Reader/Carol Danvers - Mentions of Natasha/Maria being married

Warnings: Slow burn - Enemies to friends to lovers - Mentions of abusive relationships - Toxic relationships - angst - drama - mentions of abuse - violence - mentios of abused and sexual assault - idiots in love - violence - suggestive themes - drama - angst - fluff

Author's note: The world had changed, and Wanda finally had a chance to show you and tell you how much she loves you and how much you had changed her life for the better.

Well, guys, this is the end.

I surely hope you guys like this chapter as much as I love writing it, and that in general you love the story. I wanted to give you a closure to what had happened and to how the story of both, Reader and Wanda would unfold, but I also wanted to give you a glimpse of the future so. Hope you enjoy the read! Thank you to all of you who stay to the very end, it was quite amazing to have you with me all this time.

Please rmemeber English is not my mother tongue so forgive my grammar, spelling and funny mistakes, hope you like this one.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Wishing upon a shooting star

Now and Forever

Time was a funny concept.

After the incident with Vision and Agatha, the world continued its slow travelled into a new year and the normality of life. But for you and your family, it became a painfully slow process in which you had to face many decisions and harsh realities. In the last couple of days, you had tried to make everything work, you made sure not only America but Wanda and the twins had the support they needed to continue on, while also dealing with the legal affairs involving Vision.

Everything had been a part of your life and how you were building up from scratch what had been put in jeopardy in a matter of hours.

Still, you and Wanda endure, and you couldn’t help but fell more in love with the woman that had been picking up her pieces while being everything you and her children needed. You massaged your neck tiredly, the house was completely alone and Wanda and the twins were still out somewhere with Natasha and Maria.

At least that was what she had said to you when you asked for her companionship to your appointment with the doctor. It had been a strange day, a very lonely day in which you had been left alone with your thoughts and emotions.

You whistled glancing around your living room before directing your attention to the stairs, America had long gone somewhere with Kate and you regretted not having agreed to her and her idea of joining you at the hospital. With a heavy sigh, and some tiredness you made your way upstairs ready to take a shower.

Of course, noting could had prepared you for what you found there.

The room was completely empty.

You stepped forward until your eyes fell upon the clothes that had been neatly organized on your bed. Right on top of your favourite trousers there was a single note with your name on it, you recognized America’s messy handwriting and you couldn’t help but smile at the words she had left written on the piece of paper.

Today is finally the day!

Wanda has been planning this for a very long time, and since I am very amazing sister, and sister-in-law, I decided to give her a hand.

I choose your favourite clothes and left everything ready for you to get dress and ready for your date with Wanda. You and her both deserve this time, and I think it would be the perfect time to just be yourself and talk about everything but what had happened lately. Please, be happy. I will take the twins to Kate’s place and you two will have the rest of the afternoon and the night for yourselves. Please, just write to me and make sure you enjoy the date.

Love, the best sister in the world (me)

Your smile only grew knowing in the last couple of days America had been completely secretive though always offering hints of how much you were going to love the surprised. Wanda had been holding her secrets just as tightly, and by the time Friday finally arrived you were really dying to know what Wanda had prepared.

“Very well, one hour before Wanda is here,” you mumbled to yourself letting your eyes wandered around to check your clothes. With a wince, you left your backpack and the jacket on a chair and went to the bathroom.

You couldn’t help but gasped at the sheer pain you felt running through your arm, leaving the sling to the side and helping yourself out of your clothes. Your reflection blinked back at you, the wound on your left arm was still red, and fresh, pulsating from time to time reminding you not only of the cold winter days, but of what had almost happened two weeks ago.

With a frown, and a shake of your head you turned around getting the bath ready.

Today was about you and Wanda and whatever it was she had prepared for you, there was no time to think anything sad or regretful. With a smile on your face, you put on some music and decided to get ready for the woman that had already captured your heart.

A deep void of anticipation settled on your lower abdomen and you could hardly wait to see Wanda again.

You glanced at your reflection with a critical eye.

America had put together the suit your dad had chosen for your first official meeting in the company. Your lips curled lightly, it had been a while since you last used those Chino pants, or that blazer, but it was your favourite one because of how it made you look. How it made you feel. You smiled fixing your left arm to rest comfortably on your midsection, the blazer and pants tailored fit complementing your body form with the dark colours you favoured so much. 

You found your eyes in your reflection, your body tingling with anticipation and a void expanding on your abdomen. Your heart shrank with emotion, when you recalled Wanda's eyes on you, her smile and the sweet timbre of her voice. If you were to be honest you didn't know when you felt for her, when you lowered your guard and allowed this woman and her children to take home in your heart. You just knew that one day, her smile took your breath away and her eyes on you made your heart fluttered with want.

The mobile on your bed vibrated several times, you furrowed your brows grabbing the phone while reading the message. You smirked, you turned around and went directly to the first floor making sure you had your wallet and keys on you. The moment you opened the door your throat went dry, 

She stood by your door wearing a single, dark blue dress pressed around her horse but loose around the waist. There was a black coat on her, with her hair straightened up and light make-up glistening on her face. She smiled shyly at you, her eyes taking in your frame before they settled in your eyes, her cheeks wore a dust of red you were familiar with.

“Hey.” She greeted tentatively dipping her head while looking away for a moment.

You shook your head, blinking a couple of times before stepping forward.

“Hey.”

Wanda leaned back, her tongue playing with her lips with her hands closing tightly around the purse she had borrowed. 

“You look beautiful.” You finally stuttered out, your face warming up when those green eyes fell on you once more. 

Wanda put a strand of hair behind her ear, her smile softening leaning into the touch of your hand on her arm.

“You look good, too.” She replied and you were quite relieved you were not the only one incapable of speaking properly at the moment.

“Only good?” You asked teasingly, Wanda opened her eyes, shaking her head.

“You look amazing.” She finally stated, rolling her eyes when you just chuckled.

“Amazing, eh?”

“You always look good,” Wanda lifted her hand and put it on top of yours, “are you ready?”

You stepped out of your house closing the door behind you, you grabbed her hand placing a kiss on her knuckles with a single winked that made Wanda falter for a moment.

“I'm all ready for you, Princess. I'm also very excited to know where you are taking me, and what you have planned for today.”

You couldn't hide the excitement in your voice, you bounced on your feet while Wanda merely shook her head pointing to the car. 

“It's still a surprise and as such, you are going to be asked to wear a blindfold.” 

You cocked a brow at her, your lips curling playfully.

“Kinky.” You chuckled when Wanda slapped you playfully on the back, she rolled her eyes but you could tell she was blushing profusely.

“Come on, we have reservations.”

Wanda started walking down the lane but stopped when your hand closed around her forearm. She turned confused, her eyes finding yours and the seriousness of your expression made her turn completely to face you. 

“We cannot go like this, you know?” You shook your head, but Wanda merely creased her brows tilting her head.

Whatever question she had, or whatever she was going to say was soon cut by your lips finding hers in a slow, tentative kiss. Her breath caught in her throat, and you just loved the way she tilted her head placing her hands on your forearms giving into the kiss while opening her mouth with her tongue teasingly playing with yours. You smiled into the kiss, sowing down until your forehead was resting against hers. Both breathing hard, flustered with lips swollen from the kissing.

“Are you…are you happy now?” Wanda asked and her voice, while still recovering, suddenly was huskier than ever.

You nodded, placing a sweet peck on her cheek, stepping back before you couldn't contain yourself.

“Yep, now we can go.”

____________________________

The ride to your destination was a silent event.

The silence was filled with music and conversation about your doctor’s recommendations for the physical therapy and Wanda’s care of her throat. You had leaned back against the eat, with a smile playing on your lips while you gave the woman sitting beside you a trust you rarely placed in anybody else.

When the car finally stopped, your stomach was squirming deliciously and your heart was jumping with anticipation of what was going to happen. You waited until a warm hand placed itself on your leg, your body tense leaning in to follow the voice of Wanda.

“I thought very hard on this, you know?” Wanda was speaking softly, with her voice filled with memory and something you couldn’t quite name, “I’ve been going through so many changes, and when I was finally getting to know myself I met you.”

You cracked a smile leaning your head without being able to see but sensing Wanda’s eyes on you.

“That was one hell of a first good impression?”

Wanda snorted, her hand clenched tenderly around your knee.

“No, I hated you.” This time around you could tell she was not joking, but her voice merely softened. “I hated what you made me feel, I felt vulnerable but at the same time there was this horde of butterflies on my stomach and my chest was always tight and throbbing…it was infuriating. It was confusing.”

You lifted your right hand; your movements were slow and tentative waiting to see if Wanda would stop your advances but she never did so. By the time you took off the blindfold, you could see the face of the other woman looking right outside the parking lot of a big, black building. Wanda let out a breathy sigh, it came right from her chest and by the time her green eyes found yours your heart skipped a beat.

“I wasn’t sure as to what I was experimenting until…” Wanda shrugged, “until I told Hope, then everything make sense.”

“Was it the first time you…” your question caught in your throat, there were many things you wanted to ask, furrowing your brows you realised there were certain details about Wanda you had yet to see, you had yet to know.

Fixing your position on the seat, this time around it was you the one facing her while the building stood like a shadow in front of you.

“Was it the first time a woman flirt with you?” You asked tentatively, Wanda nodded tilting her head until she was locking her eyes with you.

“It was the first time I actually admit to liking a woman, Y/N.” Wanda then softened her features, her hand seeking yours, “today I want to make it special, I want for you to know and to feel just how much you mean to me. I…I may be slow with words, but I don’t want you to think I am not experiencing the same emotions as you do.”

Your lips broke into a half smile, you leaned forward until your lips were on her ear. Wanda shivered her eyes fluttering close as you spoke.

“I love you.” It was a simple whisper, three words you had gotten used to tell the other woman with every single ounce of honestly you could show her.

“I know.” Wanda replied back turning her face until your lips and hers were brushing against one another, you snorted shaking your head.

“Very well, Han Solo, where are we?”

Wanda furrowed her brows scrunching up her nose the very same way the twins usually did when confused. You chuckled tucking her locks behind her ear.

“What did you call me?” She asked tentatively leaning back, you raised a single brow.

“You know? Han Solo? Star Wars? Princess Leia?”

Wanda shrugged shaking her head, her eyes twinkling in silent laughter at the face of pure mock disbelief you were wearing at the moment. It was as if you were genuinely offended by her lack of knowledge for what you were saying.

“God, as soon as this is over you and I are going home to see the movies, the original ones before I settled on letting you see the full saga.” You commented opening the door of the car.

Wanda followed your actions, but just before the both of you left the warmness of the car she decided to speak.

“Funny, I thought that after we left this place you and I could be doing something totally different once we were home. I was dying to know what else you could do with that mouth of yours.”

The young woman smirked closing the car door behind her and walking down the parking lot, her cheeks were a witness of her embarrassment but her heart fluttered happily when she heard your cursed and gasp. The door closing with a loud thud, while your footsteps hurried up behind her.

The night promise to be fun.

The main entranced had been decorated with silvery banners announcing the newest show, the doors were closed and a single sign to the left showed the place had been closed hours ago. You furrowed your brows; it was until the both of you had been standing closed to it that you realized you were in the Natural Museum and the Stark Planetarium. The place was huge and it had been built just outside the city to make it possible for the observatory to get easiest access to a clear sky.  Your eyes lighted up leaning in to observed inside the glassed doors, Wanda stood by your side writing something on her phone while waiting patiently with you.

“How did you know?” You asked leaning back, Wanda shifted her weight from one feet to the other facing you with a soft smile.

“I did pay attention when you helped the twins with their homework, and I did my investigation to make sure I wouldn’t get this wrong.” Wanda stepped closer to you positioning herself on your right side so she could grab your hand in hers. “I want this date to be special.”

“Being with you is what makes this date special.” You pecked her cheek, and Wanda just shook her head.

“You’re such a sweet talker.”

“Nah, I’m just saying the truth.”

Soon the doors were opened and a single guard opened the doors, he smiled at the both of you while passing a set of keys to Wanda giving her silent instructions as to where they should go and which parts were off limits for the both of you. You observed as the young woman listened carefully, she took the map the man was giving her while also pointing to something on the tablet he was holding. Your heart skipped a beat thinking of all the things she had done, if only to get you to where you two were at the moment ready to enjoy the strangest date you had ever been to.

“Very well, we’re not allow to disturb the rest of the exhibitions so let’s see, I think it’s down here.”

“Lead the way, my lady, I am but a humble peasant at your mercy.”

Wanda chuckled grabbing your hand dragging you through the corridors, it was only the both of you and the sound of your footsteps disturbed the silent scene spreading before your eyes. You had been in that place several times through your youth and adulthood; it was one of your favourite places in the whole world and you had a sneaking suspicion this part of the date had been America’s contribution.

“No way…” you whispered this time around walking faster until it was you the one dragging Wanda behind you, your smile grew just as you turned around and found the planetarium had been fixed in such a way that right in the middle of the ground there was a single table with two chairs.

You had been there when your father was helping around on the renovations, at that time you were but eight years old, but the idea behind these new arrangements was to make camping-like scenario for some of the youngest people that would fill the place in the future. The idea was to make of this dome of the most accurate and real in the whole country. 

Let’s make it feel as if they were actually outside, watching the stars above their heads on a nice, summer night.

Your face broke into a nostalgic smile as the words of your father filled your mind.

Wanda took a deep breath her hand squeezing yours tenderly, her heart beating fast just as you let go while strolling around the place. The planetarium was located on the west wing of the building, it was the biggest in the east coast and it usually held some of the most important films about astronomy and history in the whole country. The projection dome was done with neutral colours with a LED system that came along with the latest technology for audio and special effects. It had been a couple of years since you last were inside the Domo and finding yourself in the midst of such a place only brough a bubble of happiness that spread all through your senses.

Everything was already set up, and the lights that were lighting up the place were just centred on the single table with two chairs right in the middle of the room. Instead of the normal chairs that were placed around the theatre, you found yourself looking at a scene that never thought possible and you knew right there and there of all the effort that Wanda had taken that very first time to give you the perfect date.

“Do you…do you like it?” Wanda finally broke the silence approaching you with a tentative stare in her eyes, she approached the table signalling the cutlery with the table, the glasses of wine and the single bottle resting on a small side table inside a bucket filled with ice.

You turned to the woman standing beside you, it was quite incredible that even after all she had done there was still some trepidation in her features, the nervous picking of her fingers while she tried to offer explanations of how everything came to be. Of the careful planning she did to make sure everything would be ready, that everything would be there on time.

You stopped her tirade just as she was about to tell you she chose as the main course had been lasagne accompanied by a white wine.

Wanda got her words tangled in her throat, her lips trembling lightly until she lifted her arms to return your hug. For the very first time, after what happened in New Year and the process of recovery you and Wanda allowed the comfort of a single hug.

“This is amazing.” You whispered making sure she could feel everything you were experimenting at the moment.

Wanda closed her eyes, taking in the sweet aroma of your perfume and surrendering to the warm of your body. You leaned back, brushing your fingers on her hair while taking in the marks on her eyes and the tentativeness behind her stare.

“Nobody had done this before, you know?”

“Really?” Wanda asked right away, you shook your head. Wanda pursed her lips stepping back a little.

“You don’t have to say that, you know?”

You furrowed your brows seeking her eyes with yours until she couldn’t look away from you.

“I mean it, Wands. I’ve been in many dates some of them were unique in the way the presented themselves, but…well, this…” You lifted your eyes to the dome stretching your arms while twirling around, “having someone worry enough to make something I like? Not many did, and not in the way I was expecting.”

“Well, I just thought…” Wanda turned around when the gates of the theatre opened and there came a couple of waitresses bringing over the food.

You grabbed Wanda’s hand leaning in to place a single kiss on her knuckles, the young woman rolled her eyes at your gesture but took it for what it was.

“Let’s eat, and discuss this, my lady.”

“Let me help you out.” Wanda replied walking fast to the closest chair pulling it out waiting for you to sit.

You grinned taking the chair while Wanda too the one right in front of you, the two young men worked was placing the plates filled with food while also serving the wine and leaving two glasses of water as well.

Everything was perfect, the smell of the fresh lasagne filled your nostrils and it was quite evident you couldn’t shake the smile adorning your features. Wanda puffed out her chest, a sense of pride overcame her knowing she had made it possible for you to not lose your smile or relaxed posture.

“This is delicious,” you moaned while tasting the food, Wanda blushed glancing at the food while nodding in agreement. “God you bought it in Olympia, didn’t you?”

“Yep, Ajak was very kind to offer the services of the waitress and the food and actually all the things you see here.”

“You really outdo yourself with the date, Wanda.”

Wanda lifted her face taking in your frame, she smiled going back to her food.

“I really wanted to make this special for you.” Wanda grabbed her wine frowning her brows for a moment, “I never thought I could be this special with anyone, let out feel like this for someone else.”

You focused on the food, but soon you noticed the sweet melody of a familiar song playing in the speakers inside the dome. Your eyes lighted up turning to Wanda who was offering a tiny smile, she really had thought about everything.

“Very well, what’s your ideal date?” You asked all of a sudden, Wanda was taken aback for a moment blinking at the randomness of the question.

“My ideal date?”

“Yep, you just said you couldn’t imagine being this special, but you are special, Wanda. Perhaps, you were never given the chance, but I know you must have something inside your head that cold be define as the perfect one.”

Wanda chewed on her lower lip, narrowing her eyes for a moment before leaning in.

“I have always thought that a walked down a beautiful part, or forest leading to a lake is an ideal date.” She stated thoughtfully, “mom used to take Pietro and me to this beautiful forest near the city back home, she always told us the stories of her youth, and I always thought that would be the perfect place to have a date or a marriage proposal.”

You nodded pursing your lips impressed, Wanda then turned to you her eyes gleaming strangely.

“How about yours?”

You opened your eyes blinking a couple of times before leaning over, “I have to say, this one? It’s at the top five of my favourite dates ever.”

Wanda made a face of disbelief but you stopped her with a gesture of your hand, you drank some wine shaking your head.

“I mean it.” You declared strongly, “I love history, and I love everything that has to do with museums and books, if you want to win my heart, this is the perfect spot to start over. But I would say the perfect date would be on Prague’s Strahov library. Now, that would be quite the adventure.”

The conversation soon flew the same way it did before the incident, you caught Wanda giving in while leaving the stress on her shoulders ease out and her expression relaxed while the conversation grew around the topics she handled well. You never lied to her, while you had your share amount of dates usually they involved other type of activities that, why you liked them at a time, they hardly related with one of your passions.

Laughter filled the planetarium; the acoustics of the place made it easy for the sound to be enhanced. The conversation grew around different topics, and soon whatever happened in the past, whatever physical wounds the both of you carried still were forgotten.

And it was in that moment you remembered why you fell in love with Wanda.

“Thank you, this was delicious.” You glanced at the waitress smiling gently at her, the young woman flushed returning the smile until she caught the glare coming from Wanda.

“I will bring the desert.” The young woman picked up the last of the dishes and hurried out of the place.

You cocked a brow at Wanda who had not stopped following the other woman with her glare, when she returned her attention to you it was only to find your amused smile adorning your features.

“Jealous much?” You chuckled when Wanda clicked her tongue looking away.

“Should I be?”

This time around you did laugh at the absurdity of the comment, Wanda rolled her eyes sending you a withering stare before huffing and crossing her arms. You waited until the dessert had been served and another bottle of wine was brought, this time around the rest of the lights went out and there was only a single one left to create a foggy atmosphere around the centre of the room.

“I think you are adorable when jealous.” You stood up serving the wine, you knew Wanda was following you with her eyes but for now you focused your attention to the task at hand. “I still remember that time in which you saw me and Carol, there is something utterly cute about it.”

“I’m not jealous, and I don’t think being jealous counts as adorable. Or cute.”

You clicked your tongue shaking your head, the glass was soon filled with the red beverage on the bottle. You passed the glass to Wanda who received it, the glint in her eyes told you she was enjoying the changed in the topic. Or perhaps, what she was enjoying was your attention. You nodded to her mobile taking your glass in your hands.

“They give you control of the room, didn’t they?”

Wanda pursed her lips glancing at her phone while nodding.

“Mr. Stark taught me the basics, and how to make sure that everything was perfect for the show.” Wanda mumbled, she gasped when you grabbed the phone seeking the app where Wanda was trying to handle the dome.

“You took my playlist, didn’t you?” This time around there was a hint of affection tainting your voice, Wanda nodded as if it was obvious.

“I wanted this to be about you.” She mumbled well aware that your eyes were now on her.

“Let’s make this about you and me, then.” You ran your thumb around the playlist until you found the song you were looking for. Your mouth broke into a smirk, and the sudden glint of mischief that appeared in your eyes made Wanda winced.

“What are you thinking?”

You left your glass of wine, stretching your hand to Wanda who took it without thinking it twice.

“Dance with me, my love.”

Wanda looked away with a tiny smile on her lips, her cheeks burning up while she started shivering under your hold. You stepped closer waiting for the song to start, your body moulding perfectly against Wanda’s one.

“I trust you know how to dance, Wands?”

“I…I know the basics.” She replied locking her eyes with you.

“Then, let me stir you around the curves.” You winked at her, loving the sound of her laughter.

The sound of the trumpet was the first thing that came into the speakers, and soon the music formed around the voice of Elle Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Wanda snickered gasping when you twirled her around before pressing her body to yours, the dance started slowly with you just swinging around.

“Why that song?” Wanda finally asked, you shrugged with memory written in your eyes.

“Mom used to listen to it, America’s mom.” You clarified, “her mother used Elle to perfect her English when they first came here.”

Wanda nodded leaning closer, her arms sneaking around the nape of your neck. You wiggled your eyebrows bringing another chuckled from the young woman.

“And she taught you how to dance?”

“Yep.”

“Mom used to teach us as well,” Wanda rested her forehead against yours, “ours was more classical, but still it was nice. She was a little obsess of making me be a debutant, and Pietro a escort in the traditional sense.”

Wanda furrowed her brows at the memory, but whatever memory came with it soon was forgotten and replaced with a content smile.

“It was actually nice, and I enjoyed it greatly.”

“I would love to dance something classical, any song in mind?” You asked tentatively, Wanda opened her eyes a little taken aback by your inquiry.

“You want to? Really?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Wanda tilted her head thinking for a moment until the song finished and the both of you stood in the middle of the room just looking at one another. The young woman leaned in kissing you tentatively, when she parted from you your heart was already trembling under the sheer passion she shared through the kiss.

“No, perhaps later, right now I want to keep spoiling you.”

Not sooner had she said this, Wanda turned around making her way to the futons resting on the floor. She fixed them with care, full aware of your curious eyes on her; woman made sure to take her jacket off of her and fix everything so the both of you could rest comfortably on the floor.

“What else did you plan?” You finally asked approaching her with the same amount of curiosity, Wanda was smiling shrugging lightly.

“You’ll see, don’t be impatient.” Wanda hesitated for a moment before turning to you, “do you mind serving the wine and bring it over?”

“Not at all.” With one last glance you turned to the table ready to serve the wine when all of a sudden the lights went out.

You froze on the spot, lifting your head to see if perhaps it had been a malfunction in the system or there was something else involved. Soon, you could feel the breeze touching your heated face, the small resounding of drums that went increasing until music of ancient design filled the room and a single dot of white appeared on the far edge of the screen crossing the dome above your head like a shooting star.

You gasped turning around to see Wanda smiling at you, she had dismissed her heels and her coat approaching you while the music transformed into a soothing melody. She locked her eyes with yours, and while you couldn’t see it, you could feel her trembling hands on your blazer helping you out of it while fixing the posture of your sling.

No words were needed it when those fingers worked around the bottoms of your shirt and then she took you to the futons she had fixed on the ground. With a stretch out hand, you allowed her to direct you to the ground almost chocking on your spit when she knelt in front of you taking your shoes off of you.

“Wanda…” You couldn’t keep the silence, but your voice sounded strangled almost fearful to break the spell the both of you seemed to be in.

“This is about you.” She replied simply, crawling to you her lips found yours in the sweetest of kisses the both of you had shared so far.

You found yourself on your back, those lips dancing with yours in a silent invitation. Your heart was beating hard, you were sure the sound of the drums had long ago been replaced by the sound of your heart. Your put your open hand on the back of Wanda’s neck putting her closer until you were on your back and she was almost on top of you.

“I love you.” Wanda all but whisper in your ear, her face almost hidden in the crook of your neck while her warm breath caressed the skin behind your ear.

There was a moment of silence, your heart finally stopped while you registered those words coming from her. You never expected Wanda to say those three words any time soon, you understood the kind of pressure she had been in, and the life she had been living before meeting you. Hell, the amount of time the both of you had known each other wouldn’t give you both enough time to say such a deep declaration, yet you couldn’t deny what you had been feeling for the woman hovering above you at the moment.

Your eyes found those emerald ones, the affection she had always shown you was there gleaming with hope. She waited with her lips swollen, and a dust of pink on her cheeks; Wanda leaned in her nose playing with yours while her eyes closed to engrave the moment in her mind.

“I love you.” She said it again, this time around louder, stronger and you knew she meant it. Every single word.

Your eyes flickered soon to the screen above your head, this time around everything changed and it was as if the both of you were right outside. The night sky was gleaming above your head, with a million started twinkling merrily at you, the start gliding slowly until the movement of the starts start speeding up and soon everything changed and the first constellations came upon the screen.

Wanda could see the stars reflecting in your eyes, she was very careful with her weight always favouring your right side. Her lips curled into a smile when your face lit up with glee at the sight above your head; she remembered the first time she asked for help. America and Hope had been so sure about their proposal that Wanda couldn’t say no, but she opted to add some of the things she had learned from you in those conversations in the middle of the night.

“I love you, too.” You finally replied back, this time around those eyes were filled with affection and completely focused on Wanda.

The young woman dipped her head turning on her side until she was resting right beside you, her hand sneaking comfortably around your midsection.

“I’m sorry it took me this long to say it,” Wanda started but before you could reply she shot you a quick glance shaking her head, “you had been my saviour in so many ways. You can imagine where I was when I first met you.”

“I was a bitch on that meeting.” You recalled, but Wanda merely chuckled nodding.

“You were and I hated you for that.” Wanda turned to you never losing her smile or the affection in her voice, “and then I got to know you and I was…confused. You were making me feel so much, in so little time, and I was afraid.”

Wanda snuggled closer to you, “I’m not afraid anymore, and after thinking about it I realized I love you. As in, I’m in love with you, Y/N, and I don’t think I can stop my heart right now…”

“Why would you stop it?” You inquired turning on your side, wincing when you put some stressed on your left arm.

“I don’t know, what if…”

You leaned in kissing Wanda before she could finish her sentence, Wanda giggled welcoming the kiss before making sure you were back on your back instead of putting some unnecessary stress on your arm.

“Don’t think about the what ifs, Wanda.” You nodded to the sky above your heads, the music had changed into winds and cords, and the story of the first constellations came to be right in front of your eyes.

“I know it is too soon, still. That there is a lot to work on, but if you allowed it…I will be by your side until the last start in the sky had been consume by time.”

Wanda leaned closer to you, her face hidden once more by your neck though this time around you could feel her lips on your neck.

“How do you do it? How can you say such things and make me tremble until there is nothing else but you?”

“It’s a gift.” You chuckled when Wanda lifted her face rolling her eyes.

“I want to be with you, for as long as you want me, Y/N.”

“Then, let’s be together.” You sneaked your arm around her putting her on top of you, “let’s be a family and see where it goes.”

“I love you, and I just wanted to make sure you knew it.” Wanda insisted, you nodded pecking her nose.

“I know.”

“I wanted to make of this night something special,” Wanda said her hand lifting to cup your face and soon her fingers started dancing down your jaw to your neck to the open shirt. For you it was soon evident what she meant, and while she tried to look confident in what she was doing you could see the flash of uncertainty in her eyes.

Her hand was trembling, whatever expertise she had tried to show soon vanished when you realized she was getting closer to your chest.

“You don’t have to…you know?” You could see the glint of hesitation in her green eyes, Wanda clenched them closed in frustration. “Hey, Wands…look at me.”

It took a moment, but then she lifted her eyes and soon she was looking right at you.

“I don’t need sex to know I love you and that my heart is already yours, Wands. And I don’t need you to prove it to me; Wands whenever you are ready I’ll be here more than happy to make you scream in passion.”

Wanda gasped this time around her blush grew from her chest all the way to her cheeks, she tried to look away from you but you made it impossible for her to do so. Your wounded arm finding her face in a single caress.

“How can you be so understanding? God, I just…” Wanda leaned against your touch, “I feel foolish.”

“Never, Love, I just know… and I’m not in any hurry, whenever you are ready, I’ll be ready as well.”

Wanda sighed and whatever tension had been building around her left her body, this time around, when she kissed you she did it with the promise of the future. She laid down by your side, and soon she focused her stare on the stars above your head.

“I love it, this moment just you and me…”

“I thought we need it, you have been amazing with the twins but…” Wanda trailed off shrugging, “I think we were also needing this time to know one another. To actually share in an alone time.”

You smiled nodding your agreement, her hand found yours and soon your fingers intertwined with hers. The stars danced above your heads, and soon your voice joined the music and the different scenes playing with the constellations. You filled in the gaps with the stories you recognized, with Wanda asking questions or helping in the narration until soon you two were talking about mythology and reality.

“I wish this night would never end,” Wanda whispered glancing at the projection of the stars above her head, the show was about to end and she couldn’t help but voice what she had been experimenting in her heart.

“It doesn’t have to be over.” You replied turning to Wanda, the other woman furrowed her brows and you pressed your lips together turning on your side so you were facing her.

“Someday, right?” Wanda replied locking her eyes with yours.

“Someday.”

She smiled snuggling closer to you, “for now I wouldn’t say no to you sleeping with me, I mean without…I…”

You snickered placing a kiss on her forehead, “I know.”

“Did you imagine this will end like this?” Wanda finally asked, her eyes focusing on the sky above her head.

“No, I imagine it will start like this.” You glanced at the same stars, the same shooting star you saw at the beginning gleaming in the distance ready to travel through the sky.

“What do you mean?” Wanda scrunched up her nose, you placed a single kiss on her forehead nodding to the sky.

“I imagine this is how my relationship with you will start, and that after today we just ready to face the new challenges this relationship may bring.” You shrugged glancing down at Wanda, “I’ve been in love before, but…with you? It feels right, as if I was waiting for you.”

Wanda opened her eyes lightly before her expression softened.

“I realised that when…when you stood by my side regardless of my past.” Wanda rested her head on your shoulder, “I think this is the first time I have been in love and, I want you to be the only one.”

“well, love, you have a shooting star to make your wishes a reality.” You pointed to the screen and soon the shooting star crossed the dome and the show was over.

“what did you wish for?” Wanda inquired turning to you, you winked at her nuzzling her nose with yours.

“It’s a secret.”

“That’s not fair! You know what I ask for!”

“I do?” You furrowed your brows, Wanda nodded looking away for a moment before locking her eyes with yours.

“I wish for you to be my one and only love.”

You were shocked for a moment, but soon you answered to such words by kissing Wanda softly.

“And you?” Wanda finally said once you parted from the kiss.

“Me? Well, love, you will have to wait.” You smirked when Wanda seemed indignant at your declaration.

“Oh, come on!”

You pocked her nose, leaning in to kiss her pouting face away.

“Nu-uh, Princess, patience is a virtue, and I know you will know what I wish for with time.”

Wanda groaned in mock frustration, she was about to stand up but her hand grabbed her phone and soon a new projection started in the dome. You raised a single eyebrow when Wanda pinned you to the futon, her lips curling into a mischievous smile.

“Well, then, meanwhile I will just do the second part of my wish.”

“Second part?” Wanda nodded leaning in.

“Yep, I wish to kiss you, and show you how much I love you, how much I thank the skies for having me given the opportunity of meeting you.” Wanda then leaned closer to your face, “I wish to kiss you until the story above our heads is no more and the only option you have is to take me home and spend the night with me.”

“Then, my lady, allow me to make those wishes a reality.”

Their laughter soon filled the dome, and it came accompanied by a sudden gasp and the sound of kissing and playful banter.

Wanda never imagined that her decision to leave Vision would end up with her finding herself, while in the process getting a job and making new friends. Not even in her wildest dreams did Wanda imagine that she would come across someone like you that, for the very first moment create a lasting impression on her to the point Wanda decided to explore the relationship.

Her past had finally stayed in the past, with Vision in jail and her getting the full custody of her children, Wanda now was sure she could secure her future while at the same time seek out the peace and happiness she so desperately needed. Now, with you kissing her slowly while sharing a moment of pure, and unrestrained happiness, Wanda knew that every single decision she had taken had led her to that moment, it had led her to you.

And she didn’t regret it.

With you, Wanda understood that she didn’t need to lie to herself, that she didn’t need to hide or to run. With you, Wanda discovered she could be herself and finally give in.

To be loved, and to love.

That was all that matter.

**********

Three years later

Morning had arrived with a bright sun, and no clouds in the sky.

You served the coffee while glancing out the window, the sound of running footsteps brought a smile to your face knowing that the holidays were the perfect opportunity for the twins to break havoc. No sooner had you thought this, Billy and Tommy came through the door wearing the baggy pants and the t-shirt they had chosen to wear that day.

“Morning, Y/N!” Billy came to you wrapping his arms on your midsection before going to the fridge, Tommy chuckled sitting down on the stool waiting until Billy brought two glasses and set the orange juice on the table.

“You guys have a lot of energy for a Monday morning.” You hummed when they shook their heads innocently.

“Nu-uh, just…America told us she would take us to the lake.” Tommy said shrugging.

“And, we haven’t said anything about…you know.” Billy mumbled looking around the room before settling his eyes on you, “so we thought you would be happy to know we will be out of your hair today!”

You chuckled ruffling his hair affectionately, setting your coffee on the table while serving the orange juice to the boys.

They had grown a great deal and now at seven they were far smarter than you or even Wanda gave them credit for. Three years ago, you never thought possible to fall in love again, nor did you thought whatever started as a tentative relationship would end up being the best that happened to you. You glanced at the boys that started talking animatedly while mentioning the different places America and Kate were supposed to taken them to, you smiled knowing your sister adored them and was about ready to do whatever they wanted as long as she got to spend some time to them.

You sighed leaning against the counter taking a long sip from the coffee, in the last years a lot of things had changed in your life. America had finally found her passion, she had decided to pursue a career in international affairs and her path led her directly into one of the most important universities in Europe, which ended up with Kate studying a couple of miles away from her. Whatever had started as a school crush, it had developed into a serious relationship that both of them had dealt with maturity.

You had finally gotten the time you needed to organise the business, and while your presence was always required when important matters arise, you had taken it upon yourself to be in charge of the development section of the company. It was easier, and it gave you the time you needed to spend with Wanda and the children.

The sound of childish argument brough a smile into your face, soon you caught the well-known voice of your girlfriend and your heat melt right away when Wanda appeared behind the hall wearing a familiar frown while placing her hands on her hips.

“Okay, you two, stop this argument right now or there won’t be any outing with America.”

“Yes, mum!” The twins said at the same time focusing on their beverages.

You locked your eyes with Wanda, your lips curling into a smile while the woman softened completely making her way to where you were standing casually. She leaned in pecking your lips while stealing your mug.

“Morning.” You whispered wrapping your arm around her hips, she giggled leaning forward before accepting a deeper kiss.

“Ugh, mom!”

“Y/N!”

You finished the kiss turning to them, “I will hold you to this moment when you guys bring over your partners home and decided to kiss them in front of us.”

“No!”

“Never!”

“I would never be this corny!”

“Never!”

You chuckled rolling your eyes, Wanda leaned in kissing you one more time before going to the coffee maker and serving another cup of coffee. You glanced at your watch knowing America would be there any moment now, your heart beating a tad bit faster while the heavy void you had felt on your lower abdomen increased and your chest tightened at what you had planned for the day.

Tommy and Billy glanced at one another before placing their hands on their mouth and snickering, you mock glared at them and the sudden exchanged didn’t go amiss to Wanda. The young woman narrowed her eyes standing right beside you.

“Okay, what is it?” She asked, and her suspicions only grew when the three of you answered at the same time.

“Nothing!”

You glanced at the twins, the three of you started laughing while Wanda softened her features. Even if she got curious, and a little wary, she couldn’t help but love these moments in which you and the twins would behave like a family. Once she had given in, you became the light of her life, your smile and your occurrences were always a source of amusement and tenderness, and the twins had come to love you in ways Wanda thought would be difficult to do so. They accept you faster than what she thought, and ever since that day after the planetarium you and her had been together in the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty.

“You guys…” Wanda started but whatever she was going to say was cut short by a knock on the door.

“Save by the bell, guys! That must be America, love.” You gave Wanda a quick peck on her lips before running towards the door, once more the twins looked at one another before holding back their snickers.

“Okay, what is it?”

“Nu-uh, mom, it’s a secret!” Tommy said emptying the glass in a single sip.

“We promised not to say anything, mom.” Billy continued shrugging before approaching Wanda and offering her a hug, “but I love you!”

Wanda narrowed her eyes hugging Billy back, “I love you too, both of you.”

“Hey!! Where are my favourite guys in the whole world?!”

America stretched her arms to welcome Billy and Tommy, Kate rolled her eyes moving past them with a smile to greet Wanda. Wanda chuckled when their attention turned to Kate, America approached her wrapping her arms around the young woman.

“Ugh, I missed you so much, Wands! How’s everything? My sister still giving you trouble?”

“Hey! I never gave her any trouble, did I?” You pouted standing beside Wanda, the other woman shook her head putting you closer to her.

“Never, my love, you are a well-behaved girlfriend whenever you and the twins are not playing to break havoc.” Wanda pecked your lips turning to America. “Everything is perfect, but I have a feeling my girlfriend and my sons are planning something I should know about.”

This times around America opened her eyes with her mouth hanging opened, Kate gasped and the twins put their hands on their mouths. You snorted rolling your eyes, with this level of secrecy it was a surprised Wanda had not really discovered what you had planned for her that day.

“No, I mean there is no…Oh, look at the time, guys are you ready?” Kate babbled looking around while trying to evade any interaction with Wanda who had her eyes on her.

America snorted softening her stare while her girlfriend took the twins to their room, she then turned to Wanda who had a single eyebrow lifted waiting for an explanation she would not receive. At least, not from America.

“Don’t look at me, I’m just a passerby ready to take the twins on an adventure of a lifetime.” She said lifting her arms, Wanda snorted turning to you.

“You know, sooner or later I will find out your secrets?”

“I’m counting on it, Wands.” You whispered leaning in to kiss her, “now, how about you go and take a bath and I help America around.”

Wanda nodded dreamily, she gave you a quick smile before turning to America and giving the young woman another hug.

“It is good to see you again, America, see you tonight at dinner, right?”

“Yeo, we will be there!” America glanced at Wanda walking away, she waited until she was pretty sure Wanda had left before turning to you. “Well?”

“Well? You’re the one who should tell me if everything is ready!” You whispered harshly at your sister glancing down the corridor before settling your eyes on America.

The young woman rolled her eyes, but her lips played a familiar smile while she tapped something on her phone. Soon you were giving a fine idea of what she had prepared with the help of Kate and your friends; it had been hard at first to get what you needed to make of that day special. Your face lit up completely, and America could see the ghost of a smile on your lips while your eyes scanned the images she had store on her phone.

When you first shared with America your intentions, the young woman had been excited. In the last couple of years, she had seen the love between you and Wanda grow in something completely different. It was not the same relationship you shared with Shuri, and certainly it wasn’t the same type of relationship Wanda had shared with Jarvis. The both of you had been the best that could happen to the other, Wanda had learnt to love and be love, to trust in herself while also trust in the affection others held for her. You learnt to let go and to actually trust in the person beside you, you got to see how Wanda was ready to be a part of your life without losing her own little universe with the twins.

It had been a rocky path, there were fights, and sometimes it was quite difficult to fight against the demons of the past. But, America knew, if it hadn’t been because of the deep love you two felt for one another, the relationship would have been over years ago.

“I think she will love it, and I’m just…” America trailed off before offering you a quick hug, “I think this is amazing.”

You sighed putting your hand inside your pocket, the squared box resting inside your pocket.

“Thank you, this looks amazing.” You glanced at the hall before turning to America, “at what time you think we can go over there?”

“Mmm, I would say the best would be around 4pm, we will be there waiting for you so…” America waved her hands excited, “God, I can’t hardly wait, please tell me if anything happens.”

“I will, Kiddo, thank you.” You wrapped your arms around her, “I really missed you.”

“I missed you too.” America chuckled when she caught the excited chatter of the twins and Kate coming over, “now, I will take them off of your plate for a while, we will have time to get up to date, for now, go!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You watched as they left in the midst of laughter and light conversation, your hand sneaking inside your pocket putting out the black box you had bought a long time ago. Your heart skipped a beat, your hand clenching tightly around it ready to give the next step in your relationship with Wanda. Your lips broke into a tender smile, the memories of the last three years filling up your mind with determination and love.

“Y/N?”

You put the box away turning to see Wanda approaching you slowly, the swinging of her hips and that flirty smile she wore made your mouth go dry and your lower abdomen tingled with anticipation.

“Yes?” You asked, Wanda came to you chewing on her lower lip playfully.

“Since the kids are gone, and you and I are alone, I thought…we could shower together, don’t you think?” This was said in a low, husky tone, her lips wrapping around your earlobe while her hands sneaked inside your shirt.

“I think…you have a wicked mind, Wands.” You replied, but before Wanda could do or said anything else you took her in your arms crashing your lips to hers.

Needless to say, you and she left the home later than what you should, but the both of you had satiated the thirst you had for one another.  Love evident in your faces, as you walked around the city hand by hand.

_________________________________

The country of Sokovia was a beautiful land with a rich past and a colourful landscape.

Wanda had been excited when you announced the trip, not really believing you were going to comply with her wishes until you present her with the four plane tickets. By the time you four had arrived at the city of Novi Grad, Wanda had been completely excited telling you and her children all about her hometown. She spoke of the difficult times they had lived, and the wonderful things the new government had done to fix the mistakes of the past.

Billy and Tommy had been avid listeners, and they had started talking to Wanda and to you in sokovian while Wanda was just completely happy with the development on their vacations. You had been just happy to see her smile, to see the excitement in her eyes when she pointed to all the places she remembered.

“I still can believe you brought me here.” Wanda said sitting down on the table right outside a beautiful balcony looking at the far away mountains covering half of the city.

“Why not?” You replied taking the menu with a smile, “if anything, I should be sorry for taking so long, but you know? Life has been getting in the way, and I wanted for you to have time to enjoy this place.”

Wanda didn’t know how you did it, the way you were always giving it your all to make her happy. She leaned forward placing her hand on top of yours.

“This is perfect, and it’s the perfect time.”

You smiled back at her, looking at the menu while glancing at the watch on your wrist. You were getting restless as the time for the main event approached; Wanda was looking at her menu pursing her lips before returning her attention to you.

“Can I order something for you? There is something in here I want you to try out…” She trailed off glancing away for a moment, a shadow crossing her eyes, “it is something mom used to cook for me and Pietro and I just…”

“I would love to, Wands. Go ahead, you’re the expert so we will do as you said.” You replied closing the menu, you waited until the food had been ordered before leaning forward playing with Wanda’s fingers.

“You know? Now that you mentioned this about the food, I remember the story you told me once.”

“Which one?” Wanda furrowed her brows blinking away while trying to remember.

“The one about the forest, is around here, isn’t it?”

The way her eyes opened wide, and her whole face lit up made your heart skipped a beat. You couldn’t take your eyes off of her as she turned around trying to point out the direction in which the forest was located.

“Yes! Oh, I can believe you remember…”

“I remembered everything you tell me, love.” You replied, and it was the tone of voice you used what made Wanda turned to you with narrowed eyes, you softened your features offering a reassuring smile to her.

“I always make the effort to have it in my mind so I can make sure to bring happiness to you, to see the very same expression you are wearing at the moment.”

Wanda turned her head away, her cheeks burning bright red while she smiled tenderly at your words. Even after all this time you still got to make her feel so self-conscious of the love you profess to her.

“I love you for that.” Wanda finally said, and you smiled back at her winking.

“Well, what about you and I go over there after lunch? I’m pretty sure at this time of the year must be quite the sight.”

“You mean it?” Wanda exclaimed excitedly, you nodded and soon thank the heavens you were sitting down for the kiss she gave you made your knees trembled and your whole body tingled with anticipation.

******

The afternoon was falling slowly, the wind was cold so the burning sun above your heads was not as strong as it could have been in a dry weather.

You and Wanda walked down the city, your hand joined in a single embrace while conversation flew with easiness. The topics varied from school, to your work, to the recent happenings of the world, to the twins and America; soon you two found yourselves talking about movies and books, the places you would like to visit or the worlds you would like to be in.

Life with Wanda was never bored, and every single time you discovered something new about her that made you fall in love with her even more.

Her excitement at being in her country was something you would cherish forever.

She dragged you down the streets, and then down the pebbled road leading to the forest. The place had changed since she was last there, it was now a national park that had been taken care off with the strictest rules and cares a country could provide to such a beautiful setting.

You took a deep breath when the road spread before your eyes, your eyes lifted to the signs, most of them pointing to different sections of the forest. Your eyes finally fell on the word Lake, and you lifted your hand to point it out to your girlfriend.

“There, lake, can we go there?”

“Yes, of course!”

You chuckled when she just grabbed your hand again, she twirled around wrapping her arms around your neck leaning in to kiss you slowly.

“Have a told you how much I love you?” She asked playfully, you placed your hands on her waist helping her walked backwards while you advanced down the road with her in your arms.

“Mmhm, not recently, no. I think I need a reminder.”

Wanda giggled leaning in, her kisses were soft and tentative, “I love you, Y/N, every time I think this is not possible, I fall in love with you even more and I just…”

Your heart shrank at her confession, putting her to you with your lips moulding against hers you poured all the love you felt for her.

“I love you to, Wands.”

Wanda sighed standing by your side lifting her face to the trees above her, her eyes gleaming happily just as the both of you advanced towards the lake. The forest was located it twenty minutes away from the city, and the entrance had been built around a public parking lot where people could acquire all the necessary materials for camping or a nice picnic. Some of the different paths had been fixed to give easy access to the people that visit the place, but the road leading to the lake had been left untouched with the nature almost claiming it back.

You were admiring the huge trees surrounding the area, the sound of the birds and other animals running around to hide away from the humans. You lifted your stare to see the blue sky above your head, and the cold breeze touching your heated skin. Everything was quiet and peaceful, only the sound of your footsteps seemed to interrupt the sounds of the nature.

Your eyes lifted squinting them when you spot the opening right ahead of you, your lips curling slightly when you finally spotted something else. You had arrived to the lake, with a quick gesture you stood before Wanda stopping her advanced towards her destination.

“What is it?” Just like she did early in the morning, she narrowed her eyes with a glint of suspicion gleaming in them. You shifted your weigh from one foot to the other, your hand scratching the back of your neck while your eyes danced around instead of facing Wanda.

You stood before her, your hand sneaking inside your pocket until you brough forth a single blindfold. She cocked a brow, half-amused, half-expectant at what you had planned.

“I may or may not have planned something for you.” You said tentatively, Wanda snorted but all you could see in her face was love and amusement.

“Figures, and I bet Billy, Tommy, America and Kate are in it?” She already knew the answer, but there was something else she couldn’t pinpoint to.

“Yep.” You admitted lifting your hand, “there is something… I mean, it is a surprised.”

“And I have to wear the blindfold.” Wanda grabbed the piece of clothing, never losing her smile, she winked at you, “kinky, perhaps later on we can use it for other…kind of surprised?”

You laughed out loud shaking your head while helping the brunette put on the blindfold.

“I love how your wicked mind works, Mrs. Maximoff.”

“Well, I love it when you play along, Mrs. Y/L/N.”

You let out a deep breath, the sun was still high in the sky and now Wanda stood before you blindfolded. Her hand found yours, squeezing comfortingly with that beautiful smile you had come to love and crave.

“Are you okay?” She finally asked, you swallowed down your doubts nodding before you remembered she couldn’t see you.

“I am.” Then, as an afterthought, “I’m just nervous.”

Wanda brought your hand to her lips, never losing her smile.

“Whatever it is you prepared for me, I know I would love it and…Y/N…there is no one else I would love to be with right now, you are the love of my life.”

You chuckled loving the tenderness Wanda used when talking to you, the fact she had come to know your insecurities and was always ready to reassure you of her love and your worth.

“And you are mine, Wands, now let’s go…”

You grabbed her hand and without wasting any more time you led her down the road towards the lake.

The lake was a great extension of water that spread out before a small beach surrounded by the forest. It was filled with grass, trees and bushes, with a crystalline water that was reflecting the light of the sun and the colour of the sky at the moment. This part of the forest was usually used for light lunches, and some swimming but at this time of the year the place was emptied and you had taken advantage of your money to get this small spot for you and your family for a couple of hours.

There was a single bench that had been decorated with red and pink, there were some balloons with a bucket filled with ice and wine. You helped your girlfriend so she could sit on the bench, all around her there was nothing more than flowers, blue lilies and orchids, the full scene had been planned out and built with the help of America and Kate that had just come from their hiding place with the twins.

You smiled at them putting a finger to your lips, standing before Wanda you pulled your mobile out of your pocket and let a single song filled the silence around the both of you.

“Oh, that’s…” Wanda trailed off when she recognized the trumpets and the melodic voice of Elle Fitzgerald. “Y/N…”

Your name sound beautifully on her lips, you took a deep breath looking around the place knowing you had chosen right. The lake was gleaming to your right, while the forest stood to your left, the mountains wearing a white bald head projected a protective shadow on the valley. This was what Wanda had always desired, what she had harboured in her heart when she still believed in love.

“Y/N…” She repeated your name, this time around with a hint of apprehension in her voice.

You knelt before her, your left knee touching the ground while your right knee bend to hold your elbow up your hand opening the box you had been carrying with you for over a year.

“You can take the blindfold off, Wanda.” You finally said, and your voice trembled with the sheer emotion you were experimenting at the moment.

Wanda took her blindfold, soon her breath caught in her throat and whatever sight she had before her became a blurred of colours and familiar images. Right in front of her was the lake and the forest of her childhood, the very same she had visited in her mind and memory after leaving Sokovia behind. Her green eyes flickered around until they found your eyes, and soon they fell upon the box in your hand and the silver ring resting in there.

The music was still playing around the both of you, and Wanda wanted to see if there was someone else or if the both of you were alone. But she was incapable of looking everywhere but at you.

Your lips trembled, your hand trying to hold still as you cleared your throat lifting your chin to face her with determination and love.

“Wanda Maximoff, I have brought you here because I love you.” You stated taking a deep breath making sure you never wavered in your intentions. “I realized a long time ago I can’t even think of the possibility of not having you by my side, of not living and growing old with you.”

Wanda sat frozen on the bench, her heart hammering hard against her chest while her stomach drop and her body tingled all over until a heavy pressured settled on her chest.

“I have loved you from the moment I met you, I just didn’t know it yet.” You chuckled shaking your head, “and I would love to make you happy, to love you, to cherish you, and to be your friend, your partner if you allow me…so, today in this place and with my heart on my hands, I want to ask you…”

“Yes…” Wanda whispered, you furrowed your brows shaking your head.

“No, wait, I need to ask…”

“Marry me?” Wanda asked, her voice trembling and her lips breaking into a content smile, you frowned though your eyes gleamed with amusement.

“No, you marry me, please?”

Wanda threw herself at you, her arms wrapped tightly around you while you fell to the ground hugging her back. She was sobbing, her voice a mere whispered in your ear.

“Yes, yes, I will…Yes, I marry you.”

You laughed turning your head and kissing her deeply.

“Then, yes, I marry you too, Wands.”

America and Kate both rolled their eyes, but the twins were squealing excitedly no longer able to hold themselves the run towards you and Wanda joining in the embrace.

Wanda turned to them surprised, returning their hug while turning to you and stretching her left hand where you placed the ring on her finger. Your smile was huge, and it was matching hers with the twins hugging both of you while talking excitedly.

“That means I can call you mom now?!” Tommy finally asked with you almost choking on your spit.

Wanda rolled her eyes fixing his hair before lifting her eyes to glance at you.

“Only if she wants to, Tommy.”

“You want to, don’t you, Y/N?” Tommy asked pouting, you ruffled his hair putting him to you.

“Only if I get to call you Tommy bear!”

Laughter soon filled the lake, with everyone enjoying the rest of the afternoon while you alongside with Kate, America and Wanda toast to the engagement.

“I can believe you…” Wanda closed the distance tilting her head to taste your lips with hers, you smile into the kiss with your hands placing themselves on her hips.

“You remember…” She said softly, in between kisses.

“I never forgot, Wands. With you, everything is easier, you know? I love you, and I just…I want to make you happy.”

“You make me happy already.” She replied leaning into your embrace, “but I will be complete the moment I can call you my wife.”

You smiled placing a single kiss on her forehead.

“I will be complete the moment I can call you wife as well.”

Wanda turned in your arms, her eyes following her children while they talked and played along with America and Kate. You placed your chin on her shoulder, watching the same scene with a soft smile adorning your features. The young woman lifted her hand to see the ring you had placed moments ago, a green stone that matched her eyes and white gold recovering the ring.

Her life was finally hers, and her happiness was finally something she knew she deserved and that was right there for her to live it. Wanda never imagined the moment she made the decision of leaving Vision her life would change so drastically, she never even played with the idea of falling in love again or finding someone ready to be patient with her past and fall in love with her.

Wanda never entertained the idea of anyone wanting to marry someone like her, damage and with two kids that were still growing up. Then, she met you. And she couldn’t imagine being without you by her side.

With you, she learnt to love again, to trust and to give herself without fear.

“Tonight, America and Kate are taking the twins to a festival and then back to their Air BnB so…we have the house for ourselves, to celebrate.” You whispered playfully, Wanda leaned back placing her hands on yours.

She tilted her head with her lips teasing yours.

“Then, let’s celebrate with them first, before I show you my appreciation for all the wonderful things you do for me.”

“It’s a deal, Love.”

“Y/N.” She called your name with a serious tone, you turned to her welcoming her kiss before smiling goofily at her.

“What was that for?”

“I love you.” She said simply, you softened squeezing her hand comfortingly.

“I love you, now and forever.”

And, of that, Wanda didn’t have any doubt for she too love you now and forever, until the end of time.

[neonscandal]

Manga With Me: CSM and the Concept of "Want" and "Home"

Completely blocking out the events of the first Chainsaw Man segment after reading it is not a unique experience. I am not alone in this phenomenon but one thing I always think about is the idea of "want" or "desire" and how it's this really messed up impetus for Denji to go on living, at least in the hands of Tatsuki Fujimoto, and the concept of "home". I feel like not enough people are ruminating on this so now I have to.

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: through CSM chapter 97.

First things first, in no way am I insinuating that Denji's reasons to live are not valid nor am I implying that a character with his background is better off dead. I think it's important to mention because we've seen that play out with the likes of Ash Lynx as an example and I hated that.

Tatsuki Fujimoto, the Jackass Genie

When we're introduced to Denji, he's not exactly living the life. Trying to offset the massive debt of his father, he'd sold off several organs including an eye and a testicle and was forced to work off as much as he could by handling the dirty work of the yakuza debt owner. Treated inhumanely and frequently left with barely enough money to feed himself, Denji appears to remain relatively upbeat with his only friend Pochita at his side.

Solely motivated to simply survive the day, hopes beyond that are seemingly out of the realm of possibility for him beneath all of his inherited burdensome debt. It isn't until he gets a seemingly second shot at life that Denji can dare to dream. Mind you, this is after he's discarded like garbage but it just furthers how alone and pitiable he is to be treated in such a way.

Even with this newfound life, his hopes are comparatively low hanging fruit to the average reader and yet, at every turn, Fujimoto takes these innocent asks and twists them into such unpalatable experiences. Most notably being his first kiss.

What's particularly interesting is the space between Denji's idealization and, of course, the subsequent reality of his wishes. For instance, have you ever wanted something so bad for so long that when you finally got it, it could never measure up to what you'd dreamt in your head? Because you'd sunk so many hours into thinking about it and putting it on a pedestal but... as we saw above, Denji really only had time to think about survival for the better part of his life. So the drastic difference between wanting a solid meal, wanting his first kiss, wanting to touch boobs, wanting a girlfriend, etc. They were so relatively short lived before being obtained, and yet, so catastrophically unsatisfying each and every time. It seems like everything Denji gravitates toward is inevitably something that will cause him great displeasure which we see most readily apparent in his attraction to Makima.

For all this suffering, you'd assume Denji would have had to have done something to have earned such karmic punishment but, to the reader, his only sin seemed to be being born to a recklessly selfish father. Especially when a great deal of his origin seems to be kept hidden behind a figurative locked door which is constantly teased and shown to be something Pochita urges him never to open.

You Can't Go Home Again

This, of course, brings us to the crux of why I wanted to talk about this in the first place. We see Denji's door, something he regards with unfamiliarity and trepidation, a few times throughout the story. Not knowing its significance until the very end of the arc but, for the sake of this discussion, we will consider this and his life with Pochita Denji's "home". Denji's wariness, his avoidance, it's not unique to him.

POWER

Now we know Pochita can seemingly read the heart of Denji (being that he is the heart of Denji) but I wonder how much Power the fiend knows of her former human life. From her introduction, she was likely murdered and left naked in the very woods that Power found the body in. Power is shown to be boisterous and very self-serving, her affection for Meowy being a severe aberration, at least at the beginning of her character arc. Again, not exactly living the life, enthralled only by the taste of blood and the act of killing until she finds herself somewhat domesticated through her employment with Public Safety.

What we know of Hell, Devils that die on Earth go to Hell. Devils that die in Hell go to Earth. Power wasn't exactly avoiding "going home" but her return to Hell destabilized her semblance of safety and comfort by way of facing the Darkness Devil. Even of the devils faced on Earth, Power always faced them with the same bravado that she demanded humans to kneel before her with. Either to generally disguise her relative strength or lack thereof (being that she was fighting in a group) or, in retrospect, perhaps her fear, too. With all the confidence, we don't consider what the Blood fiend's experience may have been down in Hell, whether she was top of the food chain or not. Topside, her experience may have been a little different when you have humans and lesser devils in the mix. But the fear she experienced upon her return to Hell caused debilitating PTSD where she had to lean on Denji and Aki a lot more as she was unable to care for herself or be left alone. In this sense, it tempered her connection to Denji, especially. Almost as if the progression from a life of survival to a life of relative comfort is toppled by the harrowing reminder of one's origins.

AKI

Aki is the best literal example of the negative ramifications of "going home". As he packs the kids up for a reluctant trip to Hokkaido to visit his family's graves, Power and Denji remain immature handfuls even on the tail end of the Darkness Devil drama. But as the snow falls and Power sleeps, Aki confesses to Denji:

Every year, when I went to visit their grave, I'd remember nothing but bad things. It was depressing. But this time, you guys were such pests that I didn't have the time to get lost in that.

It's bittersweet, this acknowledgement. Seeing their behavior somewhat changed, his own resolve toward them softening, he questions whether his pursuit of the Gun Devil justifies the possibility of jeopardizing the peace he's cultivated with his found family. A distinct change of heart in light of his previous attitude toward devils and fiends, not just Power and Denji. But moreso an outright defiance of the very thing that has driven his survival thus far. That, of course, being to avenge his family's death by killing the Gun Devil. His decision to pull from the expedition is, of course, manipulated by Makima by using her purview over Power and Denji to solidify his participation. The irony of his found family enabling him to resolve his need for revenge being the bargaining chip to keep him on the hook is dastardly. Moreover, the knowledge that vengeance was never even on the table for him.

The linchpin in this is, of course, the fact that, what precedes Aki's end is not his return to home but the Angel Devil's who he inadvertently and without knowing accompanies. A past Angel Devil had forgotten, courtesy of Makima, precipitates Aki's death and evolution into the Gun Fiend. As the battle wages, the fact that it plays out as the snowball fight with Denji was devastating in light of his previous losses.

DENJI

With Denji's integration into society, his many goals thwarted by the unsatisfying reality of them, and the comfort he establishes with Power and Aki, we see him grow to understand the world a little better. He's still a neglected and immature kid but his emotional intelligence sharpens with his aspirations even if they only go so far as to wish to impress Makima. With all the trauma he'd suffered prior to joining Public Safety and even the trouble he experienced with them, fighting and killing Aki the Gun Fiend proves to be too big of a breaking point for him. It doesn't hit him immediately. But he finds himself unable to enjoy such simple pleasures with the guilt and turmoil of killing someone he hadn't realized meant so much to him and comes to understand the loss and pain so latently. The end of Aki's character arc as punctuated by Denji, even as prophesied, was shattering to watch unfold. Especially juxtaposed with the innocence of the snowball fight in his consciousness.

This altercation, too, was preceded by a door Denji didn't want to open. A door we'd seen many times over. A door that he'd decided was best left closed wayyy back in Hokkaido. 👇🏾

Aki's death yields a significant windfall of money willed to Denji to take care of he and Power. Money, the driving factor in his previous suffering, is no longer a problem for him and he uses it to taste and experience more but they do not quell the unrest within him.

Even though Denji grown to adjust to the world he finds himself in with his rebirth as Chainsaw Man, this loss, in particular, forces a deeper reflection beyond the frivolity of why touching his first boob is unsatisfying. He laments the fact that every choice, every want inevitably goes to crap just as Makima finds him. Ultimately, this extremely low point (not unlike the misery she'd initially found him in), is exactly where we see their relation to one another come full circle: Denji, a dog to Makima's whims.

As Denji submits to Makima, we immediately see the cost of his allegiance. Not only by means of Power's death but the fact that her orders completely conflict with what Pochita has been urging him against this whole time. Never mind the fact that this is the second time where he knew precisely to what end the door he was opening would reveal. Aki. Power. But, even though his expectations have been met at the other side of that door, whether it be Aki's or Makima's, it never prepares him for the big reveal. The worse turning worst case scenario. Denji's shock at Makima making good on her word allows for her full plan to come into focus.

The door opens, the true depth of Denji's backstory is revealed. The irony of Makima, the Control Devil, condemning the actions of a child trying to survive the abuse of his father is something the reader doesn't have time to reconcile it before the next big twist to the story is revealed, the next big fight.

This cycle of violence and revelation without reflection breeds an odd disconnect from the events, probably not unlike Denji's own perceived experience. Perhaps it informs our collective amnesia when it comes to the story, again, not unlike Denji's as he's forced to play the part of Chainsaw Man. A blessing and a curse, born of affection and the belief that Denji should get to lead a normal, fulfilling life. But Pochita's kindness is unexpectedly barbed despite his innocent and unassuming appearance because the Chainsaw Devil is one so feared, one so renowned, it is marked and killed by many devils but he arises again and again.

Almost as if Pochita was avoiding the burden of his own nature like Denji avoided the truth of his past... I don't know, perhaps this rant was a bit self-indulgent but whenever I think about these 3 (to 5 if we count Angel and Pochita) characters floating through the ether of life only to be connected and summarily destroyed by the fact that they finally found something worth living for really just spoils my thoughts for where this story is going, what the grand message is. If there's even a grand message at all.

[vroomvroomwee]

TW: suicide!

The show spent so much time on the psychology of the characters these first episodes, especially on Ed's feelings of feeling unlovable and I think it's pretty interesting how that reflects itself in his treatement of Izzy.

OK yeah, he's tormenting the entire crew, but it's pretty obvious he's picking on Izzy the most. Even the crew noticed, "we think you're in an unhealthy relationship with Blackbeard." it's something they've discussed. And at first glance, you could boil it down to Ed wanting his "Revenge" on Izzy. A sort of "Is this what you wanted?" or a "You did this." type of unspoken message.

But I think it's much deeper.

There's something Izzy does that no other crew member does. Something he has that no other person in Ed's life has.

Love.

He loves Edward. Both platonically and romantically. And Ed just.... can't stand that.

Look at his reaction

Annoyed, exasperated, angry, pissed off

Disbelieving

Coming back to his feelings of being unlovable, I think it's important to mention WHY he does everything that he does. Blackbeard is his shield. It's how he deals with pain and heartbreak. It's a form of self-destructive coping mechanism. He finally allowed himself to be happy and free, his walls taken down, his heart unguarded, and then he suffered for it. He bared his soul and allowed himself to feel love and receive love, and he got hurt. Blackbeard is protecting that soft boy that lives deep down in him, just like The Kraken protected him from his dad.

Therefore, from his perspective, it's much, much easier to accept that being unlovable is just his nature and not because of something he did. Accepting that that's just how he is, relieves him of the guilt of knowing he's done something wrong and that it's all his fault. And believing otherwise is too unbearable.

So he hides behind Blackbeard. Tries to convince everyone around him that that's just who he is. "You were always gonna realise what I am".

And to have that illusion challenged is terrifying.

To have someone force you to rethink everything that happened, and wreck your entire perception of yourself, tear down your defences, is terrifying.

Izzy's still persevering love, terrifies him.

In the gif above, his expression is almost pained. A mixture of "Don't lie to me" and "Don't love me." He's so convinced of his own worthlessness and his feelings that he just can't be loved. He feels safe in his conviction and hence in his misery. Ed has very masochistic tendencies, he's relishing in his grief and sadness because he thinks it's what he deserves. He pushed everyone away. Someone unlovable deserved all this pain. He falls back to Blackbeard because that's someone who's kept him safe before. It's someone he knows. Someone he's familiar with.

And Izzy challenges that.

Now he's forced to abandon his safety and be faced with a different reality. That he CAN be loved. And that is too painful.

"I loved you. As best I could, " despite everything he did love Izzy, but the fear that he could be hurt again prevents him from doing it properly. He's afraid.It's not that he doesn't love him it's just that he can't.

So he tries to get rid of it. Tries again and again to make everyone hate him. Tries repeatedly to squash the love Izzy has for him. And with everyone else, he succeeds. But not with Izzy Hands.

So there's only one option left.

And even after he's shot him and basically made him kill himself, Izzy still has love for him. But Ed still acts like he doesn't care, because the burden of being loved will finally be lifted.

Because that's what love represents for him now. Pain.

And it's so symbolic how he wants Izzy of all people to be the one to shoot him. The only one left in the world who loves him. The one he betrayed and pushed away. The one he wants to shoot him in the back. Say what you want, but I don't actually think he dreamt the scene. Simply wished it.

He's caught in a storm. A wave of feeling loved and unlovable. Of guilt and feeling like a victim. It's unbearable. He's tired.

He just wants it all to stop.

[arandombiped]

yall help I broke off a friendship over text but I messed up big time by leaving it open-ended because now I am a jittery ball of anxiety trying not to explode

context under the cut, cw for transphobia/enbyphobia

So I’ve known this guy since we were like 7 (we’re both 17). We live down the street from each other, we had a lot of similar interests and stuff, but once I started questioning my identity and figuring things out, he was pretty resistant to me changing. When I told him I was aroace, he basically just said no, and that I just had to wait for the right guy. When I told him I was enby, I learned from my mistakes and told him over text. He never responded. He never changed what he called me.

This past Monday, I texted him this:

Hey I know it’s been a while since we brought up my pronouns, so I wanted to ask your comfort level on actually using they/them for me 

and I got no response. So today I sent:

👆genuine question, you could even just put it on a scale from 1-10

and he finally replied, saying that he was at a 1-2. I asked if there was anything I could do to raise that comfort level. He said no because it was his “personal stance on the subject.” I told him this (just gonna keep copying because this was a kinda long interaction)

well, I do hope you can see it’s a bit more than a personal preference for me. It does really get tiring to be referred to as something I’m not. I just kinda wanted to get a gauge and give you a heads up, because I’m at a point where I’m going to be correcting people when they’re using the wrong ones, including yall in the friend group. If you are at all curious about why this matters so much to me, just let me know and I’ll do my best to explain when I’m ready 

And I am being very genuine and honest here. I really did just want to see where his comfort level was, because I know that it would have a pretty big impact on me going forward. But to this he said:

From my perspective calling you they/them is calling you something you aren’t, and I did not say preference, I said stance meaning that I do not condone your decision on this matter.

chat do you know the willpower it took to not strangle a man today

I took a minute after this text to consult with the one friend of mine who I usually vent to about this guy, then spent about 30 minutes writing this in response (it’s gonna be long):

Firstly I just want to say, I hold no grudges towards you and I truly value our friendship. We have known each other since we were in the second grade, and I am very happy that we were able to be friends. But my identity is not your choice to make. My identity is not an opinion or something to joke about or something I have “chosen.” You don’t get to “condone” or “not condone,” it just IS. If you are unable to accept the reality of who I am as a person, then we are not required to continue this relationship. I will likely continue to interact with you at school and at D&D, but I will take no initiative to be around you. This part of me isn’t going away anytime soon. If you are unwilling to make space for me in your life because of your personal stance, then I am not going to wait around for you. If you are willing to reconsider your stance, then I will be willing to continue being friends with you. Either way, I wish you the best and I hope you can understand.

He hasn’t responded since. I’m not even sure if he’s read it. But now I’m dealing with the anxiety of being stuck with no response. I’m defaulting to not being friends anymore, but it’s just really rough.

[mikathemonster]

Hi! Could you please write a dialogue prompt 4 with Thranduil? Thanks!

“the interrogation”

author’s note: of course! this prompt seems very canon as something the elf king himself would say, so i’m excited to dive into this for you <3 I'm gonna stray a little further from my normal way of writing Y/N by making them a person who somehow woke up in their favorite book, “The Hobbit”!

Pairing: Thranduil / Gender-Neutral Human Reader

Word Count: 886

summary: after waking up in the world of your comfort book, you find yourself in the midst of a terrifying power: the Elvenking.

content warnings: I mixed the lore of the book and the movies together for this

DO NOT REPOST OR COPY. MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT.

Anxiety rushed through your body as your heart seemed to be leaping out of your chest with each beat. You were being led through the twists and turns of some sort of extravagant castle as two elven guards held you firmly by the arms. Where they were taking you, you weren’t sure. A tiny voice in the back off your head wondered if you were dreaming, but the pain from the guards’ grips was more than enough to reassure you that this was your new reality.

How you had come to find yourself in this new world was beyond the comprehension of your mind. The last thing you remembered was being curled up on your soft, worn-down couch while reading your favorite book, "The Hobbit". It was a tale you knew well, as you had read it countless times when in need of a pick-me-up. You hadn't seen all of the movies yet, as you usually fell asleep halfway through the second one, but the book was usually enough to satiate you. It had been another cozy night of reading when you had fallen asleep in the middle of the chapter "Flies and Spiders", and the next thing you knew, you had awoken in some sort of woodland realm!

Oh, how you desperately wished you could return to your cozy couch and your soft blankets, but it seemed those pleasantries were far away from you now, and incredibly out of reach. 

More twists and turns led you to a wide room, all entirely made of tree branches and wood. In the center lied a magnificent throne of ancient antlers, its steps leading down to the space you now occupied. A cold, regal voice cut through your thoughts, and suddenly your eyes shot up to look at the person before you.

"First you have me deal with lowly dwarves, and now there's another? Who are you?" He sat proudly on his throne, and you found yourself speechless at his beauty. His long hair draped over his shoulders delicately as you met his cold gaze. He was like a star, cold and distant and icy. You couldn't believe the sight before you. Slowly, things started connecting in your mind. Dwarves, elven guards, oh no.

This was Thranduil, the Elvenking of Mirkwood. And your very life had now been placed in his beautiful hands.

"We found this one an hour ago, reports say they simply appeared in a cloud of smoke before the gates," one of the guards said, and the king's brow tensed. He wasn't happy.

"Some dark magic, then?" He stood, slowly descending the stairs as he approached you. "And yet, you come without weapons or anything other than the clothes on your back. Tell me, who are you?"

"Y/N," you said, finally finding your words. "And you must be Thranduil, King of the elves.” You spoke carefully, treading lightly with your words.

“So you know who I am,” he said. “Good, then you must know of my intolerance for outsiders. Speak quickly of your intentions and perhaps I’ll do you the mercy of imprisoning you.”

“Prison?” You said, eyes wide. Oh no, you couldn’t imagine living the rest of your life in the prisons of Mirkwood.

“I’d speak quickly if I were you,” he warned. “You’re losing my interest, and that is very dangerous.”

You searched your brain for the words to speak, now panicking. “I came here from another realm!” You said, trying to re-iterate your predicament in a fashion that suggested you were much more wise than you found yourself to be. After all, you knew this story like the back of your hand, and it was the only leverage you seemed to have right now. “Another realm filled with scrolls, and I am the reader of those scrolls.”

“What scrolls do you speak of?” He raised his brow, leaning closer.

“Scrolls of the histories of this land. I know the past, I’ve read the present, and I’ve seen the future!” You had no idea where you were going with this; at the very least, you were trying to save the skin on your back. And you were hoping to god that your favorite author’s tomes could help you.

“Such as? Prove to me you’re not some petty liar.”

“You’ve imprisoned Thorin Oakenshield and his company for his refusal to pay you back that which was rightfully yours!” Please believe me, you thought. “He aims to reclaim the Lonely Mountain and defeat the dragon that lies in its depths.”

“So you’re a liar and a spy. Guards, take them away.”

“No, please!” You cried out desperately. “The gems, they were for your wife! The White Gems of Lasgalen!”

The king froze in his place as he returned to his throne. Finally, you thought. Surely you had him now! He raised a pale hand that was decorated with rings, his voice cutting through you as he issued out another order.

“Guards, unhand them.” He said, turning around to face you as he approached. You swallowed hard, your heart thrumming in your chest as everything seemed so unknown right now. Time seemed to freeze as you fell to your knees, your limbs now free.

“It seems that you would know more than I would like,” he chirped. “So enlighten me, Y/N. What else do you know?”

[your-queer-dad]

hey dad, i know i’ve never really talked to you but i really need to vent. i’m sick of this. i’m always told my life is so great, but what do they know? this is tiring. i’m exhausted. i can’t express my feelings, because what importance do they have? none. i can never say anything without getting beat down, but im always told i need to open up more. they say im lazy, unproductive, thy i complain too much even though i NEVER SAY SHIT, they say i’ll never get anywhere. what life is this? lately the days have been getting shorter and shorter, i feel detached from reality. my mom never treats me equal to my brother and it's irritating, im always the one getting in trouble for doing things he's allowed to do. my friends never talk to me any more, i feel like they only hung out when school was still on and now they can finally ditch me. i never receive any form of validation, everything i do is criticized. i feel like i can never meet others or my own expectations, so i set them higher and higher just to feel horrible because i can't meet them no matter how hard i try. my physical pain and my feelings are always degraded and treated like nothing, i feel unheard. going around and acting like im happy all the time, hiding my feelings, covering up my pain, it's exhausting. i feel like the world would be better off without me in it. i don't want to live this life. the only relief i can experience is through pain, which causes me to SH. i'm always tired. i never have the energy to even get out of bed, but i have to or i'll get yelled at. i don't have anyone to talk to about my feelings. i wish i was happy. i wish people liked me. i wish people cared. i really want, for just one moment. to feel loved. i wish i could just fall asleep and never wake up again. i don’t want to live this life of suffering. i just want to end it all.

Hey kiddo, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of those things. Honestly I understand how you feel and you don't deserve to be treated less than equal by others. I care about you, and I appreciate you being alive- this world is a much better place with you being in it. Things can't and won't ever get better if you don't stick around to see it kiddo. I am so proud of you for getting this far- and I'm begging you not to do it. I love you and things will get better if you stay long enough to see it.

- dad x

[azurelyy]

Azzzzzzz, you know you love me, right? 🥺And you know how I love you so very very much... 💗 can I be really cheeky and ask for a second request for your event?

Fluff Prompt 14 - "As you wish."

Itachi x female reader (which I shall pretend is me 🤣🤣😅)

p.s. I love the Princess Bride so much and I think it fits my beloved Itachi so well 😭

DONNA. THE TIME HAS FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY COME. Actually, please consider this an early Christmas present... because I imagine you completely forgot you even requested this.

I am so sorry for being awful and so late... please find it in your big, beautiful heart to forgive me??

☁️Prompt 14: "As you wish."

Warnings: Angsty boi, sad boi who finds love but thinks he doesn't deserve it, Itachi is too hard on himself, fluffy fluff fluff

Words: 1.2k

Silence. To some, it brings comfort; to others, it triggers an itch that they just can’t bear, nagging at them incessantly until they burst from anxiety. For Itachi, silence fell into the former category. It soothed him, and oftentimes kept him company when there was no one else around.

Now, the silence was crushing. Vulnerability wasn’t something Itachi was used to. For years, he did his best not to form attachments. He couldn’t. He had to put the mission first, and he knew forming bonds would only make what he had to do that much harder. It was why, in the loneliest times of night, when he allowed his mind to wander through the labyrinth, he often found you at the very center of it. He loved getting lost there, so much so that daylight had actually become his nemesis. With the light came reality, and Itachi was sick of dealing with reality. He wanted you. He needed you.

It started small. The interaction was actually so miniscule that Itachi barely registered what it had done to him. It was only later, when it was too late to escape, that he realized that small interaction had turned into his spiral down the rabbit hole that was falling in love.

What was that simple yet life-altering interaction, exactly? A smile.

Not just any smile, though, of course. Your smile, directed at him.

“Thank you!” You chirped, closing his hand around the yen. “But it’s on me today. Just don’t be a stranger, okay?” Your smile nearly knocked him out. It had been so long since anyone had shown him such kindness, and Itachi had to take in a long and deep breath as he looked down to your hand that was still resting on his.

Your smile reminded him of home, and the life he gave away. He dropped the yen on the counter, insisting on paying you for the meal. Before you could protest, he shook his head.

“As you wish.” He turned quickly away without giving you a second glance. He had a feeling that if he looked at you again, if he allowed himself the opportunity for the warmth in his chest to expand, he would, without question, fail at his mission.

He returned to your village frequently after that. He did his best to avoid you seeing him there, to the point where he sometimes felt guilty about it. Surely saying hello wouldn’t be crossing a boundary? Or stopping in for some more sushi? You were a waitress, after all. He was sure that you had men from all over the world coming back just to get a chance to talk to you again. The thought of that often upset him, but he tried not to dwell on it too much. He didn’t own you, and he didn’t want to. You probably hardly ever thought of him at all, and he hoped to keep it that way.

It would hurt less that way.

And yet, this was starting to hurt him, too. Hiding from you in plain sight, watching the way you interacted with your other customers and friends throughout the day. It was like peering through a window to the life he could have had, and by doing this, he was only feeding into the pain.

Itachi was self-aware enough to realize what he was doing. He knew he was allowing himself to live in sadness as a twisted atonement for what he had done not just to his clan, or his brother, but to himself. Every day he came back here, he was doing nothing more than injecting more poison to his veins.

The small bell dinged as he stepped through the door, and his body seemed to have a mind of its own as he walked straight to the bar and took a seat. You were moving with blissful unawareness, turning everything you touched to gold as you laughed with your co-workers and served your joyful customers. There was a sense of warmth and comfort that exuded from you that Itachi was drawn to, and he couldn’t help but hope that maybe you could be drawn to him in that same way.

You turned to face him, and Itachi saw the glimmer of recognition in your sparkling eyes. Through the sounds of waves crashing against rocky shores, you smiled at him, and he fell. Fast.

“Hello again!” You shouted, trying to be heard over the loud patrons of the small restaurant. “I’m glad you came back.”

Itachi smiled and nodded, once. He handed the menu to you and allowed his fingers to linger against yours for a moment.

“I’ll just take what you recommend. I trust you.”

You beamed at him and excitedly waved your hand towards the menu board, but Itachi wasn’t exactly computing your words. He could only focus on the way your eyes lit up with enthusiasm, and how your smile brightened up the room. He was sinking further and further into the waves, but by the time he had realized he was wading from the shore, he was already too deep.

Nothing could save him now.

After that night, Itachi never stopped coming back. He visited you frequently, and even eventually found the nerve to touch your hand. He was lost in the maze of you, and he didn’t want to remember how to get out. He isn’t sure how it happened, but eventually, the two of you got closer and closer until one day, he realized he didn’t need anyone else. So, he asked you out. And you’ve been dating him ever since.

“Itachi?” You sounded faint, as though you were millions of miles away. He blinked then focused onto you again, doing his best to come back down to reality. You were laying on his chest, looking up at him with your dazzling eyes that stole his breath every time. He ran his finger down your cheek and tipped your chin up, smiling down at you affectionately.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “Got lost in thought.”

A heartbeat. Two. Three. Itachi drifted along with you in the ethereal stillness, doing his best to remember how to breathe normally. Sometimes, he faded. He did his best not to, but when the majority of your life was lived in a web of lies, it was hard to find your footing in the harshness of the truth. And that was where he was - here, with you, in this moment now - he was facing The Truth.

And The Truth was he loved you. With every inch of his soul, and deep within his bones. He loved you through the steady breeze of the wind, and in the crashing waves of the ocean. He loved you with intensity and he loved you in silence. He loved you to the moon and back, and he even loved you in secret. You were his world, his everything - but did you feel the same? How could he feel this way for you without knowing you felt the same? It terrified him.

Itachi had faced every danger life could possibly throw at someone, yet at the end of the day, this scared him the most. The uncertainty. The void of ignorance that shielded him from rejection.

“I love you.” He was surprised at how boldly the words shot from his throat. They didn’t sting, or burn. They sang out for you like an orchestra, all wild and whimsical and free, and Itachi couldn’t help but repeat them. Again and again, as he captured your mouth onto his and wrapped you into his strong arms. He loved you. He needed you to know it; needed you to feel it in more than just your heart.

“I love you, too, Itachi,” you said breathlessly. “I love you so much.”

Please consider reblogging to support my work. As always, scream at me in the comments if you enjoyed! <3

[saraannsworld]

For my whole life I have moved furniture. Every time something felt off I would re-arrange my room, my apartment and then my house. Sometimes it would be once a month, sometime multiple times in a week. People would joke with me about it. say things like “ oh no Sara is moving it around again” in a joking tone. I hated it. I knew why I did it. I did it because something felt wrong. I hoped that moving everything around would make my space feel better, but that never worked.

I have been doing this my whole life and for the first time. Being 40 in a few months. I finally see there is no pint in moving around my furniture. I am finally tired. I am ready to rest, to heal. To move into the person I am, not the person I wished I would be. I have been trying to be this image of what I think people want me to be, and not what I am. Stepping into those shoes came into my life in a really hard way, but I think the only way it would have happened.

We had been sitting on my neighbors front porch as we did so often. About the time the alcohol took over our body’s is when we started talking about me, jobs and possibilities. All I know is that I had had enough of trying to be. What I thought my family expected of me, tired of holding feelings in that it all came out. The last thing I remember being said was me yelling at my Mom that she never supported me and her yelling back how had she not supported me. It all ended with my son coming out and yelling “Stop, just stop”

I have not drank anything since then, I know I have to deal with my emotions and, experiences before I can drink again. Or maybe I never will again. What I do know is that one word can change everything. One word can have a different meaning to everyone in the same room. In this moment to my son “support” was me and his grandmother not fighting. To me it was feeling “supported” emotionally and, not feeling ecnored in my experience and what I wanted to do next. To my Mom it was that she had supported me with money and a place to live. She had been there for me as much as she could. Listened and supported.

In this moment I could see that I was really yelling at myself. I needed to support myself. Acknowledge my feelings and my experience. Step into my experience. Give it the room to breathe, and grow as much as possible. I needed to live my truth, walk away from these images I have created. My Mom had just been doing what she felt was the way she could be there for me. My son just wanted everyone to get along. Not argue and the trauma of this moment stop. The reality I excepted in this moment, is that the only way for anyone in my family to understand what I had been through was for them to have the same horrible things happen to them. I would never wish that on anyone. So I excepted that I will never be fully understood by my family. Since then I have done a lot of morning for my past self and past believes.

The truth that I had known for years, had been trying so hard to accept. That I was not becoming that person I was going to become that freshman year in high school. My high school years did things to me that no one understood. No one knew about, if they did they were brought into my lie of nothing happening. I stayed in that body, that place until I finally could not hold onto it any longer. I was able to heal some of my trauma while being in that space. I had never truly let go of it until now.

Now I am living with me. A woman who has been through trauma after trauma. A person who has not just survived but who is now flourishing. A woman who is raising a son on her own, that knows it is ok to except family support. A woman who understands life, emotions and healing in more ways then ever imagined. I woman who is going to change peoples life by helping them be seen through her art, her writing, her talking of the trauma experience. A person who will show them you can acknowledge the good, the bad, the ugly to see the strength and beauty in your life, your experience.

For so long I have this feeling of there is so much more for me out there. I am suppose to be doing so much more, reaching out into the world so much more. So that is starting here. Here at my desk, in my blogs, in my art, in my breath, in every step I take into my true self.

I now can feel the true me coming out. My furniture has not moved for months. My heart is finally finding feeling at home.

[that-darn-clown]

so. had this thought as i was going to bed last night. y'know those Tag Yourself character memes? that, but it's the Rewrite Fnaf Characters. and the descriptions are just the most heartwrenching shit.

so like it'd look something like this:

Which Fnaf Rewrite Character Are You?? 😆🤣😎

Michael Afton:

Your life has not been your own for a long time. You have faced countless tragedies, never given a break. You have felt unneeded guilt for ages, blaming yourself for something that was never your fault. You wish the cycle would stop, so that you may finally put yourself back together, but you also fear that stopping to finally fix yourself will force you to confront how broken you are. You just want peace, to finally rest. You just want to be your own person.

William Afton:

Your grief has been all consuming, and you never knew how to properly handle it. You have been trying to fix things the only way your broken mind can think to, but in reality, you have only made things worse. The train wreck you created ruined lives, including those closest to you, but you refuse to admit that it's mostly your fault. You may be forced to face those consequences sooner rather than later, though; Don't keep the Devil waiting, Old Friend.

Henry Emily:

Guilt has become a familiar emotion to you. Your fault that she died. Your fault those kids died. Your fault that this even happened in the first place. You've never been good at comfort, but everyone comes to you for it. So you try your best. Your hatred simmers beneath the surface, unseen to anyone else. But that begs the question: Is the hatred for the one who caused all of this, or towards yourself for not preventing this train wreck in the first place?

Charlie Emily:

You are tired. You were forced to grow up too fast, to care for those around you who were screwed up in the same way you were. It is in your nature. But you're tired. You just want to rest, but the others must be safe first. The others must be saved first. It doesn't matter how long it takes. You will free them and protect others from meeting the same fate as you for as long as it takes. You will lift them up into your arms just as someone should've done with you.

Sammy Emily:

Others would call your anger and obsession worrying, but to you, it is your only form of coping. You look over everything with a careful eye, over and over. Because there has to be a clue somewhere. Something to tell you what happened to her. Some clue of who had done it. That night replays in your mind, and perhaps guilt is an inherited trait. Perhaps, in a sense, your life ended with hers on the night of May 13th, 1982. You were twins, after all.

Cassidy Afton:

You were always the black sheep of the family. Scared of your own shadow in a way that your siblings weren't. Treated like a porcelain doll that would shatter if not handled carefully. Until you did break, and you changed. But not for the better. You have rough edges now, and you don't know how to go back to that child that everyone expects you to be. Eventually, it seems that it was decided that it would be easier to dispose of you rather than deal with those jagged edges. What once was love seems to have turned to hatred, at least in your eyes. So you lash out, angry at the unfairness of life and what was done to you and those closest to you. You are labeled some form of demon, some being to be avoided because of how volatile you are now. You are just an angry, scared child. That's all you've ever been. You just want justice. For you and everyone else. You are the one he should not have killed.

Tag Yourself!! 😆😎

(so yeah, Sad Boy Hours!!)

Ough... I am charlie tho

[the-blackest-spider]

This is me right now.

I'm in a state of limbo, sort of. I'm trying to figure out how to live life without having someone who needs 24/7 care as a part of it and not really having anything I need to have an escape from reality wise. It's an odd sort of struggle... I want to write, I still very much have muse and such, I think about the ooc and ic relationships I've cultivated here, more importantly those behind the characters who have been there when I've needed it the most even if they had no idea at the time.

I feel like I'm learning how to live each day all over again, and this is coming from someone who had one hell of a personal brush with death. I'm trying to finally take care of myself and learning how to do that...

Does that mean I'm never coming back here?

Truthfully I don't know...

I wish I did either way, but right now I'm figuring things out, and I don't know how long that is going to take. I wish I did, but it's one of those things that just you can't predict.

Also I have this really strong desire to have most everything fresh and new, as well as smaller and more simplified. I have no plans to remake Nat's blog, if I return to tumblr, it will be here, but I'm wanting something I can take wherever to do that with, so I need to figure that out, and get things (finances) back in order so I can (most importantly I need a new damn mattress, which kind of effects my being here too in a way).

I guess I'm realizing I need time... how much? I don't know and I really can't predict it or even ballpark it. In light of that, I completely 100% don't blame anyone for moving on, don't feel like you have to wait for me, if you do great, but I understand if you can't. I need to brush off Discord and whatnot, tho lately these days I seem to gravitate towards Facebook, which if we've talked a lot, you're more than welcome to ask for even if it's just to use their messenger deal. I'm also always ok Skype, though lately it's been questionable with reliability, but yeah...

I'm just stuck in figuring shit out limbo and wading through A LOT.

I hope everyone is doing good, and I'll make updates when I can, when I know fully what I'm doing besides the necessary basics of adult life aka sleeping, work and all that, with some exercise tossed in, since I am trying to take better care of the whole package here mental and physical, and I hope y'all are taking care of yourselves too as best you can.

[deathscn]

☠️ ⋅𓂃 ࣪ PRAYER TO HADES 💖🔥👻

               it had been a week since sethan had passed away. and he struggled to do anything this past week. he barely ate, he barely left the room, showered, anything. he made sure to feed the cat, but other than that he stayed in his room. but a couple nights before, everything he had bottled up just came out. he was not okay, and that was okay.

winter finds himself in the kitchen, where he finally made himself a proper meal. the memories of being with sethan, enjoying food, something they had bonded over. he prepared the same food that sethan made him the first time they hung out together. it wasn't any close as good as the way the first son of hecate made, but at least it came from the heart. he took a bite of the salmon and he cried silently.

after he finished eating, he went back to look at the other salmon, adding it in a tupper, alongside the asparagus and other sides. he grabbed a bottle of the same white wine the two had that night and he walked off towards the temple.

as he walks past a few of the statues, he notices the one of mother hecate. there was a part of him that wanted to curse her for not being there for her son, or helping him, guide him better, but he decided to not even think twice about her. he felt prayer to her wouldn't do much good. if she didn't listen to her own child, why would she listen to the son of hades. so he walked past her statue and went straight towards his fathers.

winter kneeled down, placing the tupper aside. he grabbed his bag and took out the bowl he usually used, and he started to put his usual offerings for his father. mint leaves, a few pomegranate seeds, some gold coins he had from back home. he waved his hand and a blue flame appeared before him. he guided it towards the bowl so it would begin create a larger flame in the bowl.

" father. i feel like you understand loss more than i ever could. you had to deal with it for more than a millennia, while i've only dealt with it in a matter of few decades. you probably are dealing with it now with–– persephone. but it's been proven more and more difficult having to deal with all of this. i don't know what to do dad. i don't know how i can move forward and live this life if it's only going to deal with more loss... "

winter grabs the tupper and opens it, revealing the content to the statue. " this here was my friend's favorite dish. he made it to me you see, and i–– i want to offer this to you, and to him. " he places the salmon in the bowl, and the rest of the content of the food. then he pours some wine on top before leaving the rest of it on the side. " it may be one of my favorite memories i have with him. " he whispers. he looked up at the statue, looking at the features of the man. " i pray to you father, to show him mercy, and guide him in the underworld. he may not have had a good life here, but please give him peace in the after life. "

brown eyes shifted and glanced down at the bowl as he watched the blue flames dancing around. " i pray for guidance as well father. i know i'm not much of a fighter or a protector, but i want to help anyway i can. i see all these other godlings give out wings, or protections, spells and enchantments that enhances others. i wish i could do something like that too. i pray that you can guide me to learn more about what else i can do father. "

he takes a moment, keeping his eyes on the bowl, watching as the pomegranate burns. he thinks of oli, and persephone. he doesn't know how she would feel about him in reality. but he wanted to help her, and to ease oliver. he wanted to help his friend. " and... i do want to help restore persephone. if there is anything i could do father, please let me be the one to help her. let me show you that i am capable of being of good use, of being a worthy son for you. and–– i hope i am still making you proud, regardless of the outcome. "

[skepticalarrie]

Hello Allie

I´m from another fandom (Katy Perry), but I am familiar with Harry Styles (some of his songs) and the whole Larry Styles discourse. I am very curious to ask you this since, in my own fandom, I don't have to deal with the stuff you Directioners deal with (luckily ;). So, from the point of view of an outsider (me), it seems very difficult to enjoy Harry's songwriting. I have no idea how you people do that, and I'll explain why.

I know that Harry Styles is the big thing right now, and I know from a few other artists that big artists usually need to use stunt songs to make their albums interesting (like Halsey said, for example).

So, my question to you is actually; how can you (as a harry stan who doesn't believe the womanizer image but does believe he is with Louis) enjoy his songs when there are so many stunt mentions in there? For example:

''Leave America'' in As It Was

Beechwood cafe in Falling

''Wandering hands'' in Falling

The voicemail thing in Cherry

Finally, I have another question. I have read a little about people who believe in Larry Styles, and I wanted to know how you all know (from Harry's lyrics) if it is a stunt song OR if it is about his relationship with Louis? Like, how do you distinguish that? Because I wouldn't be able to know whether (for example) ''wandering hands'' was about his relationship with Louis or a PR girlfriend. So how do you know that?

Thank you in advance, Allie. You seem such a nice person, by the way :)

Oh, I love Katy Perry! This is a fun cross-over 🤗 This is a pretty long answer, sorry:

I think your questions are very pertinent because these are in fact the same kind of questions a lot of people seem to struggle with around here as well. For me, it's quite simple, Harry is a fantastic musician, performer and songwriter. He is so much bigger than his stunts, or his closeting. So, yes, it sucks that stunts need to happen and that he openly uses that on his music sometimes, I wish it was different, but I'm not letting that ruin my experience. Stunt songs are also good songs most of the time, and it's up to you what you will make out of it... because also the wonderful thing about Harry's songs is that he doesn't talk about them, he's not going to give you the meaning or the answer. So you can take from them whatever makes more sense to you and what makes you connect with the songs. So the examples that you used like AIW, Falling... these are not even stunt songs IMO, it's just one line that is just assumed it's linked to stunts. And I have a hundred other different interpretations of these two that make more sense to me. So honestly, most of the time these lines and assumptions become irrelevant to me pretty quickly. The two songs that were truly kind of ruined for me because of stunts are Cherry and Watermelon Sugar, which are the only two songs he openly talked about the meaning of it and all of that. I think a line was crossed with these and that made me enjoy it less. But not really because of the stunt, but more because it turned into something forced and less honest, so that was the bottom line when it comes to my experience of enjoying his music.

Another point - and that's already linked to your second question - is that Harry is also incredibly smart in his songwriting, he loves double meanings and he mastered that since back in 1D days. He will give you the stunt line, or stunt connection, but that doesn't make his songwriting less honest or less autobiographical. So take songs like Carolina and Cinema, these were obviously made with stunts in mind... but they're so obviously about drugs if you truly stop to analyse the song and not what is being said superficially. He does that all the time, his songs are so layered! And once you start cracking the code of his songwriting and his sense of humour, it's kind of funny to see people thinking he wrote a song about OW while in reality he's living his best life talking about gay sex and poppers between the lines.

But it's easy to pick up whether it's a stunt line/song or not, because if it fits a certain narrative being told on tabloids... well, it's because that line is supposed to be there to create all the commotion. Fine Line was the "break up" and "cheating" album, so there are a bunch of lines there that could be interpreted that way, which is not a coincidence. And like I said, people will make interpretations according to what they know and believe, but it's not necessarily what is being told there. Personally, I think that what a lot of people seem to interpret as "break up" in their songs, it's about spending time apart and struggling with their closeting. And that's when all the context and patterns over the years start contributing to these interpretations. Because listen... we've been watching Harry and Louis closely for many years, so you inevitably start to piece things together and you start to make sense of it.

Harry's songs are incredibly layered and I think people end up frustrated when they don't realise that and try to oversimply things and want definitive answers about things. When in reality, there are so many different ways of looking at it, so many different interpretations and people will just believe what makes more sense, because at the end of the day it's all guessing and that's it 🤷‍♀️

I hope that I was able to give the answer you were looking for. Oh! and by the way, their "ship name" is Larry Stylinson, I find it super cute that you kept referring to them as Larry Styles jahsjahskj 😂

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

I finally came to a realisation. I understand now, why I love those innocent highschool bls, like Bad Buddy, My School President, Light on Me, this much. And I guess also every other bl. It took me some time...years...and this will be a fucking deep dive into my own mind...I am thinking about writing it down for the last couple of hours, and after a long session of listening to "Down" by Jason Walker, I thought fuck it...if not here, then where?

I'll take MSP as an example. We witness a cute, innocent first love and how it starts and growth and how it becomes something really special and wonderful. How those two communicate with each other, understand each other, help each other in their own ways. I don't care that we had to wait for the first kiss for like forever, it made it special. And this was something I never had. The boys I liked, loved to mob me. I was told I am ugly and unlovable. So good first impression here. My real first partner was 15 years older. I don't care that much about age and age gaps in general, if it is a healthy relationship, but I came to the realisation, that I was robbed of that innocent first love, because the love for him made me grow up real fast and I had to deal with stuff you don't want to deal with in a first love story. I had to live with his immense jealousy and insecurities. He was jealous of everything and young me was obendient. From today's perspective, I hate the person I became when I was with him. I didn't have the shy cuddling and the innocent hand holding like Gun and Tinn, because he wanted a grown up relationship. And I wanted my first love to be like in the movies, with flowers and sunshine. Instead I got alcohol and jealousy...a really great combination.

I never was my true self with the partners I've been with, because from the very beginning I was trained to be a chameleon, adaptable to the moods of the men in my life. Perhaps this is the reason I am still single after my last toxic relationship ended years ago. I never listened to my self, I listened to the thoughts of my partners and how I have to behave; infront of them and infront of others (especially other men). I felt small and at some point non existing. And I never want to go back to this person and those feelings. I know, the question comes up, why did I not leave them sooner? Because I wanted their love. I needed it more than my pride and myself, because my self-confidence was so fucking low and I thought, if they love me, than I am really lovable, than I am a worthy person. So fuck all those Why didn't you leave! Because it is hard to understand you are hurting and giving up yourself and destroying yourself more and more, when you selfreflect through different eyes than yours.

And because I have never witnessed such a cute love like in MSP, I live through those moments of pure joy and can feel their happiness and this is more than I ever felt in my past relationships. And the fact it is a bl plays a big role for me. Because I can't and don't want to identify with the girls in most if these kind of love stories. Because I never had the chance to be that girl. So I take something that feels safe. Where the men are something I wish I could have had in my life. bl feels safe for my feelings to be true and validated, because I don't have to compete with the protagonist, I don't have to be jealous, I don't have to see my own flaws and the past I will never have. I can relax and enjoy a love story.

And in my heart I am still this young girl, wishing for a cuddly love, dipped in flowers and sunshine, but reality showed me in a cruel way, that my hand for men is really shitty and at some point I thought I'll never have such a relationship. I am still healing, not just from those realtionships, but other traumas thanks to men, but it takes time. My self-esteem could grow during the past years and I could heal some of those wounds and almost forgive myself for being the person I was. Right now it is enough for me to have those shows and this community ❤ If you read this far, my sincere thanks for listening.

So with the words of my new favorite song "Alive" by The Scarlet Opera, I say The whole world is watching, but nobody cares. Do what you want baby, get what you can. Life keeps rolling (so) Keep the party alive.